Saturday, December 31, 2011

six stringed democracy

what it is: six stringed democracy
where i found it: good old youtube

It's easy to forget that youtube started as a place for people to upload their personal videos. The democratic possibilities of this are kind of mind blowing and here are a few guitar players that most certainly never set foot in a record exec's office to prove it. In my opinion, they are all excellent in different ways for different reasons.

Friday, December 30, 2011

supreme leader

what it is: north korea's new supreme leader/boyscout
where i found it: the local bar

North Korea has a new supreme leader. Someone at a bar last night pointed out to me how much he looks like the boyscout from Up:

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

the screwed up clique

what it is: cough syrup music
where i found it: mr. c smith of houston, texas

DJ screw was a guy who loved codeine cough syrup. In fact, he drank so many gallons of it that he died. Before things got to that point, though, he would sip on a cup of the stuff, round up his crew, record some raps on really shitty equipment and then play it back with the tape player all jammed up so it would sound all stretchy and slow. It sounds like a gimmick, but the beats are good and so are some of the rappers (although some of the time the mic isn't really working too good and it's hard to hear what's going on). The "screwed up clique" were very focused in their topics: cough syrup, driving slow, cough syrup. Since my old friend Mr. C Smith of Houston gave me a mix of this stuff about a decade ago I must have listened to it a thousand times. Now you can too.

get screwed up

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

blogging pays off

what it is: blogging pays off
where i found it: right here

This blogging thing is really starting to pay off. Almost starting to sustain itself even. Last weeks improvised weaponry video post (how to subdue your enemy with a rolled up magazine) is a wonderful example. Far better than what I was going to post about on that day. Just last week I got a package from a nice/evil reader in Amarillo Texas with all of the Herzog/Kinski movies, a Ric Flair Wrestling video, a copy of I am Cuba and a book on the horrifying doings of the Process Church (which I'm trying hard not to read). And then I got some e-mails from Belgium telling me about some Beckett I'd never read and some unusual metal I'd never heard.
And here's yet another good example. Reader C Griffin from the Bronx sent me this. It's an old education manual with an exercise called "ball vs. sausage", which would clearly be seen as highly inappropriate if it were put into practice these days. He sent me PDFs, which were poorly scanned and upside down. I tried to convert them into legible text using google docs, but it got even crazier. In some ways reading it this way is even more fun than reading it upside down and might even be poetic. Here you go:

I. Bail vs. Sausage. Show the child two equal-sized balls uf clay, and sav to him:
If necessary, adjust the amounts uf clay in ‘thc tw-El halts the child agrees that he has just as much claw as vou have. Then sag; to the child:
I om going to roll my clay into a sausage.
Fioll '|rCrur clay into a sausage. Then ask:
Now do you still have just as much clay as I have, or do you have more, or do I have more?
After the chitd responds, say-.
Tell me wlw.
Record the child‘; responses on the Conservation pf Substance response sheet in the appropriate section.
2. Baa‘! vs. Bails. Begin again with two equal-sized balls of clay Ask the child.‘ Do have as much play as I have?
It necugsary, adjust The at clay in the two balls until the child agrees that he has just as much as you have. Then divide your hail into two pieces out of which yrdu Fu-rm two smali-at balls. Ask the child:
Ngw you have just a5 claw; as l have, or do ‘gnu have more, -ur do I have more?
After the chiid responds, say:
TC“ me why. Fleoord the child's responses on the Conservation of Substance response meet in the appropriate section.
-3'. Baa‘! vs. Pancake. Begin again with two equal-sized balls of okay. Ask the child: Do you have just as much olay as have, or do -you have more, or do I have more?
Nuw do you stiil have just as much clay as, I ham;-., or do you have more, or do 1 have more?
After the child responds, say‘.
Tell me why.
‘Renard the chilufs responses on the Conservation of Substance response sh-E:-at in appropriate snactiun.
Submit the Conservation of Substance response sheet together with a report ot about EDD words in which - 2:.
classiiy each child as preoperationel lno conservation responses}, concrete operational lconsistent conservation responses that the child feels must be correctl, or transitional [some conservation and some noncoi-tseruatien re sponsesjl. In your report trot: shoulcl also answer tho two questions that follow,
1. If there were erw noneonsenration responses. why do you think they occurred? 2. If There were conservation responses, do thee reflect err-,r of the ‘feliewing rationales offered be Piaget?

Sunday, December 25, 2011

karmic damage

what it is: a christmas message
where i found it: 2002

Every year I enjoy doing some karmic damage to myself while laughing at this:

Saturday, December 24, 2011

merry christmas from the germs

what it is: germs playing christmas eve eve '79
where i found it: wfmu, the best radio station there is 

If you like the Germs you will like this. Highights include Crash eating a book of matches halfway through the first segment. Happy hollidays.

Friday, December 23, 2011

lagoon music

what it is: hermeto pascoal
where i found it: reader JPW

Reader JPW has sent me so much good stuff, he should just make this his blog. Here we have some amazing footage of everyone's favorite albino Brazillian vituoso. Naked. Playing flute. In a lagoon.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

abstract comics

what it is: abstract comics
where i found it: can't remember

Here's a great blog concerning abstract comics, a genre that is new to me but that seems oddly promising.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

texas punk

what it is: fine examples of texas punk
where i found it: texas, etc.

Texans are serious about their punk, and their heat baked brains have twisted it into some weird varieties. There's a long list of excellent early examples to be rattled off such as the Dicks, the Big Boys, MDC, etc. but below are a couple of the more obscure ones. Special mention here should go to Jim Kieke for being at every single Texas punk show that ever happened (even when he had to work at the library the next day) and videotaping many of them.

This one is kind of late in the game, but it's still pretty good footage:

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

improvised weaponry

what it is: improvised weaponry
where i found it: reader JPW

Particularly notable is the way this guy is able to reestablish his poise in the folding chair after subduing his enemy.

Monday, December 19, 2011

bye bye kim jong il

RIP Kim Jong Il, one of the human race's weirdest, most diabolical and mentally unstable specimens.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

holliday demons

what it is: krampus
where i found it: a party invitation

This week i got invited to a "Krampus party" at a brewery. I figured Krampus was a type of fancy Belgian beer I'd never heard of, but come to find out he's not only a demon, but he's a kind of anti-Santa "celebrated" in Alpine countries that takes naughty children to his cave and kills them and eats them. I'm certainly glad I learned about Krampus as a full grown man. Just look at this fucking guy:

Friday, December 16, 2011

i invoke 1978

what it is: early van halen in store appearance
where i found it: mr. b beatrice of new jersey

This invokes 1978 like nothing I have ever seen.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

odd rituals

what it is: the wettest in the building
where i found it: reader JPW

Two days ago reader JPW sent me a link to this perplexing masterpiece of a video called "she's the wettest in the building". It was only on youtube for about 45 minutes before it was pulled due to the TV in the background of the video with the adult entertainment on it. My passion for excellence in bullcrap lead me to tirelessly search for a re-posting and here it is. Best described in the youtube comments as "the oddest post masturbation ritual I've ever seen".

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

a gremlin

what it is: a gremlin
where i found it: 65th street

I have a lot of respect for whoever has kept this 1974 Gremlin alive and well, especially in New York City.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

the melvins meet their fate

what it is: cassette destruction!
where i found it: my household

The other day my kid somehow got a hold of one of my old cassettes: my prized worn out copy of the Melvins' first album. I went into the bedroom and he had pulled all the tape out of the shell and strewn it all around the room. "Look it's like Harold and the Purple Crayon!" And I couldn't get mad, because you know what? It did look just like Harold and the Purple Crayon:

Monday, December 12, 2011


what it is: beckett meets giant
where i found it: mr. b beatrice of new jersey

This seems like a hoax, but it also seems it could be probable. Apparently, Sameul Beckett used to give Andre the Giant rides to school. It is true that Beckett lived in France and is possible that he liked to vacation in Grenoble, where young Andre lived, but I still find this difficult to believe. Mr. B Beatrice discovered this (one of the 20th centruy's most unlikely and remarkable meetings) in an off handed reference on Andre's Wiki page. No further documentation has been found, making me think it's not a hoax (or else it would be all over the internet).
While Becket is most famous for his plays (Waiting for Godot, etc.) I cannot reccomend his novels highly enough. Very excellent surrealist Irish stuff that gives James Joyce and Flann O'Brien a real run for their money. It takes a minute to get used to his version of reality, but a little patience more than pays off. 

The Giant. All grown up.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

rapist meets racist

what it is: rapist meets racist
where i found it: the morning paper

In the bottom of my bag I came across an old newspaper clipping, which reads:

During a date in Central Park in 2009 with a researcher for the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Mr. Akassy said he saw two racoons attacking a duck near the water where the couple was picnicking. He said he tried to scare the racoons away with rocks and that when he returned, the woman was mad at him, apparently scared that he had left her alone with a black fisherman nearby.

They argued, Mr. Akassy said, because he felt she was being racist and because she did not seem to care that he went to help the duck. 

The woman, whom Mr. Akassy is charged with stalking and harassing, had testified that Mr. Arkassy made unwated advances and yelled inexplicably at her on multiple occasions.

Friday, December 9, 2011

goodbye clive

RIP Clive Robbins

Clive, along with his partner Paul Nordoff, was pretty much the founder of modern music therapy. Clive was an educator, Paul was a superhuman piano improvisor and they developed their model by assiduously documenting their improvisations with severely disabled people. The Nordoff Robbins centers still provide very low cost music therapy for people who need it. Clive was probably the closest thing to a walking fairy tale creature I've met. He also liked to drink wine from a box. One of the good guys.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

powerful wolf shirts

what it is: wolf shirt reviews
where i found it: carl from crown heights

Apparently THIS SHIRT has magical powers. Read the reviews for yourself.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

trouble, sort of

what it is: trouble (the band), sort of
where i found it: around

Over the past couple of years my band has played a few gigs with the projects formed by ex-members of Trouble. Some are better than others, but I can say that Jeff Olson still plays the drums with the energy of a  raging 15 year old. At any rate, this week I've come across about 35 references to Trouble. I'm not sure what this says about the current state of the universe. I can tell you that in the last leg of Black Flag's life, it's reported that all they listened to in the van was Trouble's Psalm Nine and Black Sabbath's Heaven and Hell. God help us.

See Rollins channel Tarzan.
See Rollins teach a fan who's boss.
See Danzig be a meathead. This is the worst music video I have ever seen. Really.
See Glenn Danzig get taught that he's not a real meathead.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

the nez

what it is: mike nesmith's solo work
where i found it: clark from pensacola

Guess what? Mike Nesmith of the Monkees made a lot of good country albums in the 1970s, teaming up with a fucking fantastic pedal steel player named Red Rhodes. Half the fun is sorting through all of the records these two made together, so I'm not providing any links here. But I do promise to include a little of this on the next mix tape I post (note: since prevented by the FBI).

Other interesting Nesmith facts include:
  • He now hosts think tanks
  • He was an executive producer of Repo Man
  • His mother invented Liquid Paper
  • His last appearance with the Monkees was in a commercial for Kool Aid and Nerf (together?)
  • He started a company that pioneered VHS tapes and home movie viewing
  • In the 1980s there was a Nesmith imposter who successfully conned a number of people and went as far as to do media appearances. He wasn't apprehended until 2009.

Monday, December 5, 2011

amazing machines

what it is: rube goldberg to the nth degree
where i found it: see below

Ruben Garrett Lucius Goldberg

One of my high school physics class assignments was to build a Rube Goldberg machine. That is, a very complex machine that perform a simple task, such as lighting a match. Twenty years later I got an email from one of my old classmates with the below video, showing a most ridiculously elaborate Rube Goldberg machine. The song is not very good, so turn it down and turn up something you like while you watch. In case you're curious, Ruben Goldberg was a cartoonist from the early part of the 20th century who liked to draw up these kind of contraptions, sometimes with a political twist, controversial to the point that his children had to change their names to avoid harassment by the authorities.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

hitting the decks

what it is: disc jockey activities
where i found it: i can't remember

Generally I do not understand how or why DJs have become super celebrities that play to arenas full of people. I keep seeing stuff about Skrillex and that guy that wears the mouse head and all these super DJ people, but when I listen to the music it just sounds like a boring keyboard.

The guy in this video really goes the extra mile, though. This video is pretty crappy quality and cuts between various performances without a lot of flow, but he demonstrates some genuinely good ideas. Picking a rubber band hooked up to the stylus arm is my favorite, but the way he plays along with the toy saxophone player is pretty great too.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

release the fury

what it is: bad behavior
where i found it: see below

Reader JPW was nice enough to reply with this Buddy Rich rant in response to the recent “animal battles” post, showing that perhaps Rich’s internal animal is more ferocious than any muppet. In hearing it I was also reminded of Yngwie Malmsteen’s unkind words to a stewardess who spilled some water on a flight to Tokyo. This version starts with about a minute of Swedish commentary before you get to the good stuff.

Friday, December 2, 2011

RIP ken russell

Ken Russell died earlier this week, a man who made a range of weird and somehow commercially viable movies. Bad examples include Liszt-o-mania (Roger Daltrey starring in the sexually explicit episodes of classical pianist) and the Devils (clergy partaking in orgies). Good examples include Tommy (the Who’s Rock Opera) and Altered States (man combines too much acid and too much isolation tank and devolves into an ape and then a weird fleshy mass).

If you’ve never seen Tommy, you definitely should. It is highly disturbing and includes great performances by Elton John and Eric Clapton, who usually suck beyond belief. Plus, the soundtrack performances are lots better than what’s on the album/radio. Plus, it has Ann Margaret freaking out in a giant mess of mud/wine.

Altered States:

weird fleshy mass

Thursday, December 1, 2011

planking and owling

what it is: planking and owling
where i found it: a badly written newspaper article

A few days ago there was a ¾ page expose in the NY Times about a fad called “planking” (lying face down and having your picture taken). It was not very well explained or documented, and while I threw the article in trash immediately, I found myself wondering about it afterwards. With so much important news in the world, why was so much space relegated to this junk? I did a little more research and it turns out that planking is actually kind of funny and absurd and if the article was not so poorly written (solely focusing on shitty celebrities like the Olson twins and Hugh Hefner’s playmate girlfriend) I would have been more than happy to see so much space allotted to such a blatantly surreal activity. As usual, real people are much better than celebrities and here’s a slew of pictures to prove it.  If you’re really into it, you can look up the Olson Twins website where apparently their fondness for “planking” and “owling” (crouching like an owl and having your photo taken) is documented. I haven’t looked yet.