Tuesday, March 13, 2012

nazi guidelines for jazz

what it is: nazi guidelines for jazz
where i found it: josef skvorecky via the atlantic via some blog

Apparently Josef Skvorecky was a Czech dissident who fled for Canada and brought with him these guidelines the NAZIs had issued for the playing of jazz music. In some ways these rules are not that different than what's taught in some college music departments here in the USA these days. Maybe the NAZIs won after all. Next time you're next to some tight ass at a jazz show who tries to shush your hooping and hollering, remind them that jazz was born in brothels and the word "jass" itself refers to fucking.
1) Pieces in foxtrot rhythm (so-called swing) are not to exceed 20% of the repertoires of light orchestras and dance bands; 
2) In this so-called jazz type repertoire, preference is to be given to compositions in a major key and to lyrics expressing joy in life rather than Jewishly gloomy lyrics; 
3) As to tempo, preference is also to be given to brisk compositions over slow ones so-called blues); however, the pace must not exceed a certain degree of allegro, commensurate with the Aryan sense of discipline and moderation. On no account will Negroid excesses in tempo (so-called hot jazz) or in solo performances (so-called breaks) be tolerated; 
4) So-called jazz compositions may contain at most 10% syncopation; the remainder must consist of a natural legato movement devoid of the hysterical rhythmic reverses characteristic of the barbarian races and conductive to dark instincts alien to the German people (so-called riffs); 
5) Strictly prohibited is the use of instruments alien to the German spirit (so-called cowbells, flexatone, brushes, etc.) as well as all mutes which turn the noble sound of wind and brass instruments into a Jewish-Freemasonic yowl (so-called wa-wa, hat, etc.);
6) Also prohibited are so-called drum breaks longer than half a bar in four-quarter beat (except in stylized military marches); 
7) The double bass must be played solely with the bow in so-called jazz compositions; 
8) Plucking of the strings is prohibited, since it is damaging to the instrument and detrimental to Aryan musicality; if a so-called pizzicato effect is absolutely desirable for the character of the composition, strict care must be taken lest the string be allowed to patter on the sordine, which is henceforth forbidden; 
9) Musicians are likewise forbidden to make vocal improvisations (so-called scat); 
10) All light orchestras and dance bands are advised to restrict the use of saxophones of all keys and to substitute for them the violin-cello, the viola or possibly a suitable folk instrument.