Friday, March 16, 2012

yngwie strikes back

what it is: yngwie's reaction to his peers
where i found it: mr. b beatrice of new jersey

Here is some critical commentary from Yngwie Malmsteen from an early 90s issue of Guitar World. Granted this is long (and this is only an excerpt), but well worth your time. I'm amazed that he's so inventive in finding so many ways to say something is bullshit in his second language.

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We asked Yngwie Malmsteen if he would participate in the Guitar World blindfold test -- to listen to a selection of unidentified tracks by unnamed guitarists, and to comment on the playing.
Yngwie agreed, and Joe Lalaina administered the test.
Below are Yngwie's responses.

JOE SATRIANI, "THE MIGHTY TURTLE HEAD"
Time Machine, Relativity (1993)
I like the groovy, Hendrix-style intro. Sounds like a Strat. But the soloing going over the song is very bad. It's bent out of shape and out of tune. It's very basic bullshit pentatonic runs. The choice of notes in the solo is completely overdone. That stuff has been done for 30 years! I'm sick and tired of that bending bullshit. This is the most run-of-the-mill pentatonic playing I ever heard.
GW: That was Joe Satriani.
MALMSTEEN: You're kidding! Was he high? He's playing out of tune, and the most boring runs! What I've heard from Satriani before was really good, but not this -- this sounds like something someone would play in their garage. After the backwards solo, Joe does some nice stuff with out-of-phase pickups, which I liked. But the actual solo ... I could never dream it was Joe. Out of tune, and terrible.

METALLICA, "MASTER OF PUPPETS"
Live Shit: Binge & Purge, Elektra (1993)
That's Metallica -- I love it! This is maybe the second time I've heard this song, and the first time I've heard the live version. My old drummer and keyboardist liked Metallica a lot, and they played me this song around the time I was recording Odyssey [1988]. I liked it then and like it now.
Of all the bands that play this type of music, Metallica's the best. James [Hetfieldj sings better than all the other vocalists and Lars [Ulrich] is a great drummer. I feel some sort of connection with them. I think the band heard some of my early demos, which sounded something like this. [Malmsteen's demos first surfaced on college radio stations in Northern California, where Metallica is based.-GW Ed.] I'm not saying I influenced them, but maybe I did.
Overall, the band has a great sound. But I think the lead guitar player [Kirk Hammett] is not very good. He can play fast, and is pretty good at it. But his choice of notes and sense of pitch are very bad. I don't think that he plays with musicality, or plays in tune. Rather than lifting the song, his solo seems to be an anticlimax.

PRIMUS, "MY NAME IS MUD"
Pork Soda, Interscope (1993)
I know this band -- it's Primus. The intro is cool. However, when I listen closely, I hear one thing I totally detest: I hate slap bass playing. It's the worst technique ever. But I think Primus is very funny. I get a bit of a Frank Zappa vibe from them. But although I find them very funny, and they do intrigue me, they don't give me a hard-on, in that the band doesn't inspire me to do a similar thing.
On this song, the guitarist plays the weirdest combination of notes; it sounds insane! But it's like he's playing that way just for the sake of doing it differently. I think that Zappa intentionally made his music weird, but did it with intelligence. Primus is not unintelligent, but I think their music is done, not to piss people off, but to make the listener react, "What the fuck is this?"
Someone like Allan Holdsworth sometimes plays the wackiest things, but does it with panache, such taste. This is done just to do it.

PANTERA, "I'M BROKEN"
Far Beyond Driven, EastWest (1994)
I don't know who this is, but I like the cool guitar riff. I also like the groove over the second chorus but don't like the buzz-saw guitars. I'd much prefer a distorted guitar that doesn't really sound distorted if you don't play more than two notes.
As far as the singing goes, I couldn't find enough words to describe my disgust. Because it's really not singing. It sounds like somebody is either shoving something up the vocalist's ass, or something is coming out of his ass and mouth at the same time. It's a stupid excuse for being someone who stands in front of a mic stand.
GW: What did you think of the guitar solo?
MALMSTEEN: A sad reason for being a guitarist in the Nineties. It started off sounding like Chuck Berry. Then there was some terrible, terrible bending going on. Very untasteful. That was one of the worst solos I've heard. But the riffing at the beginning and end of the song is very good.

DREAM THEATER, "UNDER A GLASS MOON"
Images And Words, Atco (1992)
I have this on CD -- it's brilliant. Dream Theater is, by far, one of the best bands to come out recently. Musically, I think they're really clever, and the guitarist and keyboardist are very good. A great band with the right attitude. They're musical, technical, interesting -- and tasteful.
One of my absolute favorite bands at the moment. I have just one reservation about them: their drummer. His choice of beats is terrible! He's obviously listened to too much Neal Peart [Rush] over the years and needs to take a Valium.
As for this song, a great intro. I actually like even the drumming there. Another thing I like about this band, and this song, is that the group likes to use a lot of keyboards -- everything from synthesizers to Hammond organs. Almost like Jan Hammer, which I think is great. The guitar solo is very interesting; it's
like a "Who's Who" of guitar playing. It starts off reminiscent of Steve Vai's humbucky, distorted tone.
Then the guitarist plays something similar to an harmonic minor run that I would do. Then he goes into a Stevie Ray Vaughan/Hendrix thing, which is splendid. I also hear some Brad Gillis and Michael Schenker. I'm not too crazy about his tone, however. Sounds like he's using a Floyd Rose tremolo, humbucking pickups, and the string action is below the frets. I prefer lower-output pickups, no Floyd Rose, and very high strings. Therefore, I get a more acoustic-type sound.
But I really can't say anything bad about the guitarist in Dream Theater, because he's good and very ambitious. I think in a couple more years he'll have his own identity.

PEARL JAM, "GO"
Vs., Atlantic (1993)
I'm going to dig my own grave right now. I think the singer in Pearl Jam should eat some Pearl Jam! He cannot sing to save his life! And the guitar player needs to seek help. The guitar solo is terrible -- it's just wank-off, wah-wah pedal bullshit!
That's the most disgusting thing, so tasteless, so common, so blatant -- the worst! There are people like Clapton, Hendrix, Angus Young, Ritchie Blackmore, even Jimmy Page, they played pentatonic -- the regular stuff -- but they did it with taste. But the guitarist in Pearl Jam, and the lead player in Metallica, they've got no taste whatsoever.
I don't want to comment on that song anymore.

TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS, "EVEN THE LOSERS"
Greatest Hits, MCA (1993)
That's Tom Petty. Great songwriter. Not a technical singer, but good at what he does. Obviously, it's something that's not up my alley, but I do like it. I also like Dire Straits -- opposites attract.
The lead guitar playing on this song is nonexistent. I think the guitarist bought a Chuck Berry record that had a scratch on it. He repeats the same thing, even though he changes the key.
Had I played on this type of song, I would have played more melodically and chosen different notes, instead of that overdone "Johnny B. Goode" lick.

DEATH, "THE PHILOSOPHER"
Individual Thought Patterns, Relativity (1993)
The singer sounds like he's sitting on a toilet seat, pushing a big one. I can't stand it! It sounds like the band can't decide which song to play. This beat-change bullshit -- I don't like it. The guitarist isn't awful; he actually has a decent vibrato. But I can't get off on it.
GW: But isn't this a bit similar to what Metallica plays, which you do like?
MALMSTEEN: It is, but it isn't as good. But I like that the bassist is playing fretless. However, the fact that he's playing out of tune isn't so tasty. Also, the production is awful; it sounds like the song was recorded on a Fostex 4-track.

JEFF BECK, "CAUSE WE'VE ENDED AS LOVERS"
Blow By Blow, Epic (1975)
Great intro and arrangement. Great choice of notes, and the intention is good. However, the performance and accuracy of the guitar player, whoever it is, is not on pitch and is very much below standard.
GW: That was Jeff Beck.
MALMSTEEN: Oh my God! That's unfuckin' believable! I've never heard this before -- that's Jeff Beck? He's playing out of tune. He's bending the strings out of pitch. It's not the correct pitch! Every time he bends a string, he bends it sharp or flat. I can't believe that the people ... whoever produced and engineered this, or Beck himself, or the listeners, are tonedeaf. I can't believe it!

THE CURE, "PURPLE HAZE"
Stone Free: A Tribute To Jimi Hendrix, Reprise (1993)
Total blasphemy! You don't make "Purple Haze" into a fuckin' rap song! You just don't! The mere thought makes me want to puke! It's like converting a Rolls Royce into a Volkswagen.
Whoever these guys are, they should be shot! And the fact that [producer] Eddie Kramer, who I've known for years, didn't ask me to do something on this Hendrix tribute is also blasphemy! I would've loved to play on it.