Thursday, March 21, 2013


what it is: cons
where i found it: my career

I used to work in prison. Reporting to work each day, my coworkers and I were screened for cell phones, books, writing utensils and anything else that could provide a) some kind of danger b) some kind of entertainment. Stationed inside of a converted janitorial closet and often on lock down for hours at a time while some violent stooges rioted we had little to do but play Spider (kind of like computer solitaire) and look at the department of corrections database. You can view the database too, allowing you to research incarcerated friends, neighbors, loved ones or ex boyfriends (find out what crime they really committed or when they might be released), see which escapees may be in your neighborhood (just select "escaped" as current facility location with the name field blank) or brainstorm a criminal alias (two good places to start can be searching "allah" or "blood", with alias selected). Browsing this database is notably a grim past time, but you should also remember that there is a whole parallel American nation of these folks and you could have easily joined their ranks too for any of the long list of stupid things you have done.