Friday, September 27, 2013

paul's low tones

what it is: paul's low tones
where i found it: the beatles pit

I used to have a friend on house arrest who would do nothing but sit on the porch, smoke dope and listen to the Bealtes. In one particularly THC saturated moment he turned to me and said "Paul" during a weirdly angled bass fill on the B side of Abbey Road and it shifted my perspective from seeing McCartney as the most cheesy of Beatles to the most heaviest. It's easy to get swept away in vocal harmonies and odd background instrumental nuances and John's voice strain and stupid trippy lyrics, but I've been in Paul bass focus as of late (sort of like the Phil Zone) - perhaps you want to step into it as well. I'm going to start here with early material, which admittedly has its trite and corny aspects, but one cannot really knock the bass choices. There are a lot of websites out there dedicated to this topic, but I' d personally rather spend fifteen minutes listening to the music than reading that garbage.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

everybody loves raymond

what it is: everybody loves raymond
where i found it: the nursing home library

I used to work in a nursing home where they had a library mostly notable for it's large number of shitty volumes of nothingness that had been donated en masse by people's grown lawyer children when they lost their homes due to advanced dementia. Hunting through piles of rotten, mostly awful books is a great way to spend your lunch hour, especially because every once in while you find something like Raymond Chandler's Lady in the Lake, which has excerpts like this:

I smelled of gin. Not just casually, as if I had taken four or five drinks of a winter morning to get out of bed on, but as if the Pacific Ocean was pure gin and I had nose-dived off the boat deck.The gin was in my hair and eyebrows, on my chin and under my chin. It was on my shirt. I smelled like dead toads.

Monday, September 23, 2013

tech failure

what it is: tech failure
where i found it: everywhere

I've been having big problems with this blog crap. I done been blocked at my place of work and my home computer, a vintage 2003 collectors item, won't cooperate with this platform either. Wah. I have a whole stack of shit (so does this guy) to write about: falling into the Fall, selected bass excerpts of Paul McCartney, Everybody Loves Raymond, a great Japanese psych record, etc., but the gods of electricity just aren't with me right now. But at least the God of Thunder is.

Monday, September 16, 2013


what it is: unsung
where i found it: early tosches

Nick Tosches, one of our great literary dudes, musical and otherwise, is always worth reading. His Country and book on Jerry Lee Lewis should not be missed, nor should the Tosches Reader overview. He's an intelligent writer with a deep appreciation of Dean Martin, Milton Brown and George Jones, and that's enough for me. Only recently did I dig into his early Unsung Heroes of Rock 'N' Roll, which delivers as promised, though in a somewhat shallower and overtly jokey way than his later work.

His appetite for sexual and alcoholic precociousness is admirable, as is his taste for wildmen, wildwomen and dissonance nestled in the pop form. He cant' get enough of admissions like "I like to sing to women with meat on their bones that long green stuff in their pocketbooks" and "one day Beldon sees this dealer with a black eye and the guy tells him he's fucking Keely [Smith, wife of Louis Prima] in the dressing room when suddenly he feels someone licking his balls. He jumps up and Louis [Prima] punches him in the eye."

Beyond the novel and sordid tales, though, Tosches points one in the direction of some truly great musical territory such as early Nat King Cole, the extended Screamin' Jay Hawkins catalog, Wanda Jackson and Ming and Ling, pointing to the most unhinged particular songs as he goes. This book holds keys to very weird kingdoms.

While we're on the topic of Screamin' Jay Hawkins I always thought those flyers posted around looking for his kids were a weird street art joke, but apparently they were actually the efforts of a lady trying to fulfill his dying wish. You can and really should read more about that here.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

indecipherable screaming

what it is: indecipherable screaming
where i found it: the drive through

You might have seen this video by now of a lady going apeshit (supposedly) because McDonald's wouldn't grant her request for McNuggets before the appropriate time. It took me a few viewings of this before I realized it was dubbed (the original has no audio), but it made me laugh until my stomach hurt. The ultimate form threat and the indecipherable screams are what really get me, but I'm sure everyone has their favorite excerpts. I want to hug whoever did the voice-overs.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

rogue jews

what it is: rogue jews
where i found it: my new office

One of the reasons I've been posting so slow is that I have a new job in a hospital that (probably wisely) forbids access to this blogging platform. Sitting in my office the other day, I was surprised by the sudden bursting in of two long bearded and energetic Hasidic Jews, both holding fucking ram's horns. They then demanded "Are you Jewish? We are looking for the Jewish! We want to blow our shofar (fucking ram's horn) for the Jewish!" When I said no they fled. Then my by-the-book coworker called building security because the guys were roaming the halls unauthorized, headed towards an abandoned part of the building, continuing to look for "the Jewish". I'd have preferred to let them wander, taking poor kitchen and maintenance staff unawares, but I've also been fantasizing about what a security guard/Hasidim melee might look like.

Monday, September 9, 2013


what it is: chopped
where i found it: the new york times

There's not much more I can add to this absurd article/happening other than to mention that the headline of the Post or the Daily News or one of those preposterous tabloid newspapers had the headline CHOPPED! when covering the same story.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

this is what you get for twerking

what it is: this is what you get for twerking
where i found it: wfmu

Twerking, unfortunately, is all over the news, but at least WFMU tipped the people off to this alternate take.

Friday, September 6, 2013

theme music

I'd like to take this moment to provide some appropriate theme music to my recent slow-as-fuck posting style.