Monday, December 22, 2014

you are an idiot

what it is: you are an idiot
where i found it: north korea (maybe)

You probably heard about the hack attack on Hollywood (possibly) coming from North Korea in retribution for a fictional scene of Kim Jong Un's head exploding. North Korea says they didn't do it and also that the attack was only the first of their efforts (?). At any rate, the group behind the attack, known as the Guardians of Peace, sent this little video, titled You Are An Idiot, to the FBI over the weekend. It's worth watching because you are an idiot.

Also, I believe the acoustic version of Idiot Wind to be superior to the electric version.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

stupid dalai lama

what it is: stupid dalai lama
where i found it: ny times, bbc, etc.

This just in from the Dalai Lama:

"There is no guarantee that some stupid Dalai Lama won't come next, who will disgrace himself or herself. That would be very sad."

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

more on santacon, i can't breathe

what it is: more on santacon, i can't breathe
where i found it: three days ago

If you care to look further into the bizarre mix of agendas that characterized this weekend in NYC, HERE are some videos by someone who actually had the foresight to videotape some of the santa/protester crap. My least favorite part is the commentor who whines that this is news from three days ago. I'm upping the ante by still writing about it four days later.

Maybe looking at all of these santas or posting a picture of Christ yesterday got me in the mood, I don't know, but I woke up this morning with THIS song about the baby Jesus in my head. HERE's the same guy reminiscing about E.T. and HERE his family give us a tour of their home while he's on an "iron vacation", which I take to mean locked up.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

santacon, i can't breathe

what it is: santacon, i can't breathe
where i found it: my great city

This weekend featured a magic NYC combo of large protests against police brutality and large numbers of wasted santas roaming the streets. Travel on all fronts went down hill: alcohol was banned on the trains to avoid Santa vomit, travel by car was impossible due to human blockades and people in high states of arousal were to be found everywhere, leading bars to post signs such as the following:

  
Things got ugly as protestors tried to throw garbage cans off the bridge and then ganged up on cops, subsequently santas started harassing protesters then brawling with each other. If you care, it's worth reading about the evolution of Santacon on Wikipedia, its pre-fratmeat origins are kind of interesting. Welcome to New York at Christmas time.

one man takes a stand
greatest form of modern protest: the die in

Friday, December 12, 2014

the torture playlist

what it is: the torture playlist
where i found it: in dungeons payed for with my tax dollars

Mother Jones has been nice enough to compile this TORTURE PLAYLIST, a selections of songs used by the CIA in order to make someone's reality as miserable as possible. It may be the only place on Earth that Deicide and Barney have appeared on the same bill. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm only familiar with about two thirds of the material, so I guess some investigation is in order. I would add to this two other pieces of torture repertoire that I'm familiar with:

1) The mix of These Boots Are Made for Walking with the sounds of lambs being slaughtered pumped through the air vents at trapped Branch Davidians by the ATF during the Waco raids.

2) The 24 hour blaring of Black Flag's cover of Louie Louie into a dark room used by a Jewish fraternity to haze their pledges (revealed to me by a "brother" who had wanted to belong enough to have successfully stuck it out).


Saturday, November 29, 2014

we got a date

what it is: we got a date
where i found it: west virginia

When you're married and have kids it sure is hard to go on a date. My wife and I have been trying to find time to get out on the town for a few months now. When tried a few weeks ago the kid fell at a Halloween parade and we ended up watching him get stitches at the ER instead. Now that we've rescheduled for this evening, I'd like to mark the occasion by listening to THIS TUNE about twelve times. 


Friday, November 28, 2014

bizarre metal tv confluences

what it is: bizarre metal tv confluences
where i found it: guitarist friend

Here's a weird clip of KERRY KING ON JAPANESE TV co-staring with the ex-Megadeth guitarist Marty Friedman who seems to be the regular host of this show (and is speaking Japanese). This is a truly bizarre confluence of cultural components.

Then it's only a short jump to THIS CLIP, where Megadeth's Dave Mustaine delivers some of the worst, least enjoyable vocals I've ever heard. And Paul Shaeffer sits in on harmonica.

Then we have AN INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO video from Gary Holt of Exodus (and more recently, Slayer). He appears to be completely stoned and demonstrates "guitar violence" AKA inconsequential guitar runs and atonal nausea in front of visual backgrounds such as ocean waves, battleships, brass knuckles and landfills. Watch and learn.


Thursday, November 27, 2014

turkey/turkey

what it is: turkey vs. sweden
where i found it: the 90s

While trying to think of clever ways to play on turkey (bird) and turkey (country) I remembered the old Hatten Ar Din video from the 90s. In case you did not know this important fact, phonetically Arabic sounds a lot like Swedish, though the meanings of the sounds are completely different in the two languages. Some Swedish joker took this Arabic song, translated what the phonemes meant to a Swede and lyrical magic occurs (see excerpts below, but please don't skip the video). It actually turns out that the song originates in Lebanon, not Turkey, but now I've already typed all of this.



The hat is living it up,
The hat is living it up

This is hopeless
We find this is becoming gay
It was always fun

Cool guy holding a soda
Yes, that's what we like - something sweet

Borrow the LP "The hat is yours"
You can dress up and make out on TV

Borrow the LP "The hat is yours"
You can do drugs and end up on TV

Yes, the hat is yours, yours!
Yes, the hat is yours, yours!

Everyone knows why and everything will get perfect
Everyone knows why and everything will get perfect
Everyone knows why and everything will get perfect
Everyone knows why and everything will get perfect

Glue piece of ham, cool.
Glue piece of ham, cool, cool.

The hat is yours, the hat is yours
Hat-baby, hat-baby

The hat is yours, the hat is yours
The hat is yours, hat-baby

Lalalalalalala
LALALALALALALA...

the hat is yours

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

another day . . .

what it is: another day . . .
where i found it: earth

Another day on this Earth has brought me into contact with two new wonderful things: Twi gospel music and a buffalo scrotum cooler.

I'm lucky enough to be working with a Pentacostal Christian Ghanan who just loves Twi gospel music. I've heard a smattering of this stuff before, but today I got turned on the abrasive motivational sermons of Cecilia Marfo, who seems to be saying in Twi "worship Jesus, do good deeds, and believe in yourself or I will kick the shit out of you". Check out one of her charismatic sermons HERE.

A totally separate encounter led me to the existence of this unusual holiday gift item: a buffalo scrotum cooler. This find was the result of a discussion regarding whether humans had ever drank from buffalo scrotums as they often have from goat wineskins. Google search led to THIS SITE, which offers "natural exotic gifts" such as buffalo scrotum coolers (though no scrotal drinking vessels), rattlesnake skull spirit catchers, and sculptures made from animal penises. If you scroll to the bottom of the page you'll also see that for a limited time you get a free coon dick with every purchase!

"natural exotic gift" example



Monday, November 24, 2014

udumakalu

what it is: udumakalu
where i found it: the net

If you want to read an interesting and unusual blog, I recommend taking a look at this one: UDUMAKALU. Primarily presenting as an African news blog, the guy who curates it (who happens to be the Nigerian literary editor of the Guardian) seems to have strange taste, interspersing phenomenon amongst the headlines such as a man who has patented a process for turning urine into flammable gas, an effort to collect radiators for Africa, theories about how to keep ladies satisfied, and pastors who gather women on the beach to kiss their asses. Enjoy.


Thursday, November 20, 2014

throwing bottles at freedom

what it is: throwing bottles at freedom
where i found it: the berlin wall

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

intense elvis footage

what it is: intense elvis footage
where i found it: my dad

Largely unprompted, my dad forwarded me THIS ELVIS FOOTAGE. Apparently it's newly released with the wholly disoriented intro. Either way it's super intense as we watch him burn through the atmosphere of Unchained Melody towards his nigh fate. I like to imagine him rehearsing this on the organ that's situated next to the racketball court in the Graceland basement.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

viral

what it is: viral
where i found it: in recent days

Two big viral things in recent days include Ebola, which you probably know all about, and Too Many Cooks, the amazingly ridiculous video from Adult Swim that is being emailed 999,999,999 times a second around the internet. Perhaps this video is old news, meaning from three days ago, but I love it so much that I have to post it here. Multiple viewings reveal more interesting detail. Not safe for work, by the way.


---

a guy gazes at the front of bellevue hospital, hoping to see ebola

Friday, November 7, 2014

halloween hasn't stopped yet

what it is: halloween hasn't stopped yet
where i found it: mostly in england

A week ago one of my associates posted a halloween mix that I can't stop rotating. Mostly metal, much of the older Brittish sort, this thing will make you want to be a witch. Because witches have the best music. And their admirers have the best band names (Witchfynde, Witchcraft, Candlemass, Pagan Altar, Angelwitch, Witchfinder General, you get the idea). HERE's a link where you can download this monster.

In the wake of this mix I've been engaged in some extracurricular listening, including a couple of full albums by the above named. Here you go:

 
 

If you're really into it, HERE's some person giving a tutorial on how to build your own pagan altar. Comments for the video include such questions as "What is the knife thingy and do you know where I can buy one in Melbourne?"

Finally, while I've posted this amazing video before, it's serves as the best summary I can think of for this post:

 
 

Friday, October 31, 2014

a few updates

what it is: a few updates
where i found it: around

Photographer Rene Burri died. The awesome Magnum agency created THIS GALLERY of some of the most interesting images he captured. And HERE's a nice little essay about his lesser known color work. Finally, a great Burri quote: "One of these days, I'm going to publish a book of all the pictures I did not take. It is going to be a huge hit."

THIS GUIDE to the music of Keiji Heino appeared, which is helpful to anyone interested in Heino sound spellunking.

NASA posted THIS LIBRARY of sounds from outspace, which are free to use and sample as you see fit.

The Secret Chiefs are goofy for a small list of reasons. But they recently played THIS PRETTY GREAT SET at St. Vitus, which those of us who were not there can enjoy thanks to the tireless work of Unartig.

Also, Vox posted THIS INFORMATIVE TUTORIAL on how to make a great horror movie scene.

So now you can look at Rene Burri photos while you listen to Heino and NASA sounds at the same time while listing reasons that you don't like the Secret Chiefs in a scene from your own home made horror movie. Happy Halloween.

Oh, and for the best delivery of the word Halloween that I've heard, listen to THIS.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

how we roll

what it is: how we roll
where i found it: america

Everywhere I look this name pops up: Georgia Florida Line. If you haven't heard of this horseshit, it's a new "country" band that mixes awful wardrobes, bad accents, trucks, and pseudo hip-hop hand gestures/arm movements/spellingz. I invite you to enjoy the exceptionally shitty song/video "This Is How We Roll".

This site, Saving Country Music, which covers topics such as Johnny Cash's drunken son getting arrested at the airport, rated this the worst country album of all time. The review is well worth reading.

I refuse to post a picture of Georgia Florida Line here.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

the gay whisperer

what it is: the gay whisperer
where i found it: port authority

The New York Times reported today that a particularly brave member of the NYPD has a habit of patrolling the Port Authority bus terminal bathrooms, observing men urinating in the men's room and then arresting them for indecent exposure. Known in his department as "the gay whisperer", he's clearly providing an important public service. Just know that if you visit New York to not take out your penis if you urinate.

Curious about people's experience in general of Port Authority bus terminal, I looked it up on Yelp. Many of the reviews, such as the one below, are both candid and enjoyable. Do note, however, that John T. has zero friends, which is maybe why he has time to be on Yelp reviewing Port Authority.


John T.
  • 0 friends
  • 11 reviews
 
9/24/2014
 
Why am I reviewing the PABT? Because it deserves a one star review. It smells like piss and urinal cakes even when you're nowhere near the bathroom. Gross.

There are some food and drink establishments there. I feel bad that they are located there. Or not.

Panhandlers aplenty. Be prepared to be asked for money by the same drunk guys over and over again.

Be prepared to see homeless people fighting.

Be prepared to see B&Ters fighting and puking. In broad daylight.

Be prepared for dudes that try to have in depth convo with you and ask you for money while using the urinal. What the heavenly fuck?

Be prepared for pregnant ladies smoking and swearing loudly at nobody while walking around inside the building. Be prepared for nobody to kick her out. Don't try to kick her out.

You'll probably see gross dudes with curly mullets and aviator sunglasses.

This would be a great place for suicide, if you're into that sort of thing.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

tilt

what it is: tilt
where i found it: a frenemy

An old friend emailed me out of the blue with THIS LINK, which becomes progressively disturbing and inexplicable as it progresses.

A little research led me to THIS ALBUM, which is wholly disturbing and inexplicable. I don't know if it's good, but it's certainly interesting.

Monday, September 29, 2014

this week's viewing

what it is: this week's viewing
where i found it: netflix

I had the great fortune of seeing three exemplary music documentaries over the past week. Perhaps you want to peruse them too.

1) The Souce Family. See a once-cold-blooded murderer brainwash children, rob banks, establish a health food empire, recruit high school students while wearing sunglasses, die in a hang-gliding accident, sow the seeds of American hippie consciousness, and make sixty five psychedelic records.

HERE's a good Source Family jam, including one of the best album covers the world has seen.

2) Beware of Mr. Baker. See Ginger Baker devolve from the world's (arguably) greatest rock drummer to a cane-wielding arm chair savage. Along the way he ends up in Fela Kuti's compound and gets really into polo. The only cinematic mis-step here is when he's depicted as a cartoon oarsman on a slaveship.  Parts of the film make me actually like Eric Clapton for a minute, an accomplishment in itself.

If you're curious, here's some good GINGER AND FELA material. At time of this writing there's also a decently priced FELA VINYL BOX SET available, curated by Baker.

3) Nothing Can Hurt Me. See Big Star make some masterpiece records and devolve into despair (in Alex Chilton's case, devolve into a punk rock chimpanzee). I'd always thought this band was kind of boring and I dislike their more rockin' moments, but this movie really made me appreciate them.

HERE's a pretty amazing, absurd, argumentative local TV performance of the Panther Burns, Chilton on guitar in '79.

Monday, September 15, 2014

follow up to the bat bite

HERE is a completely absurd local news follow up investigation of that guy getting bit by the bat. You get to find out what happened to the bat and what it felt like to get bit. 

And HERE's some great reporting about some bullshit.






it's a bat

what it is: a bat

where i found it: nature

HERE's a great clip of some guy getting attacking by a bat while he's in the middle of a bullshit jam in the woods.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

really long traffic jam

what it is: really long traffic jam
where i found it: belgium

I've come across multiple blogs documenting this really, really long traffic jam in Belgium that hasn't moved in 60 years. Photos are definitely worth checking out, if only to see how nature will eventually overtake our horrible civilization.

1
 
2
 
3
 
 
While we're on the topic, here's a site dedicated to documenting the so-called Sixth Mass Extinction, which we're currently undergoing. There are a lot of links here. Enjoy.
 
 


Saturday, September 6, 2014

the gods are here!

what it is: some guy flipping out at a black sabbath in-store
where i found it: the net

THE GODS ARE HERE!

The next related video was THIS.

Friday, September 5, 2014

i am enjoying the new mayhem record

night time soap

what it is: night time soap
where i found it: fucking tv

bad fan art
Recently many an hour of my life has been vampired by the Sons of Anarchy. For some reason I can't stop watching, even though I hate:

1) the way the main character, Jax, struts around like a rooster and says "bro" at the end of every   sentence.

2) the totally awful "rockin' country" soundtrack

3) every happy moment the characters experience, which can be divided into
      a) celebratory Michelob
      b) sudden dancing/partying whenever good news is delivered
      c) inexplicable amnesia regarding people just tortured or murdered 

4) The characters' total lack of regard for leaving forensic evidence when blowing shit up and murdering people every day.

Notable, however, is how far Ron Perlman has come since Police Academy: Mission to Moscow and Quest For Fire (in which he played a caveman uglier than any caveman every actually was).


You probably also don't need to know that Katie Sagal sang backup with Mollie Hatchet and on that Gene Simmons solo record that fit with the other KISS solo records like a big puzzle piece like this:


Thursday, September 4, 2014

impressive record packaging

what it is: impressive record packaging
where i found it: yow

In this video everyone's hero, David Yow, creates one of the best record packages I've seen. I can't imagine what the shipping must cost. The big payoff, though, is what the album sounds like.






For what it's worth, here's one of my favorite tracks from his other band. Hell, just listen to the whole album.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

current events

what it is: current events
where i found it: the world outside

Two surreal things in the news today: Cecil Taylor getting conned out of a half million dollars and Robin Williams hanging himself.

HERE's the story on Taylor and the even better press conference follow up APPEARANCE.

HERE's a pretty great, dark set on this week's Airborne Event on WFMU, complete with Good Morning Vietnam samples.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

slow tv

what it is: slow tv
where i found it: my pocket

This morning I found a newspaper shred in my jacket pocket  that I must have torn out around a year ago mentioning a twelve hour broadcast on Norwegian public television of someone knitting. A quote from the broadcaster: "We'll dive deep into the world of knitting, then from midnight, we'll turn down the pace, if that's even possible. We'll watch the arm of a sweater get longer and longer; it will be fascinating." The article also mentions another recent broadcast on the same network, NPK, of a cruise ship moving up the Norwegian coast for 134 hours, nonstop.

I looked this up and this seems to be part of a "slow tv" movement. Some of the touchstone historical  broadcasts of this movement are mentioned HERE.

Here's all 134 hours of cruise ship footage, which as actually quite beautiful.  Here's the first two hours of the knitting broadcast, described as "from sheep's back to human's back". I find the commentary during the sheep shearing is particularly enjoyable.





Tuesday, August 5, 2014

two bit thievery

what it is: two bit theivery
where i found it: common knowledge

It's common knowledge that Led Zeppelin are a bunch of two bit, no good thieves. However, few have detailed this theme in richer detail than the guy who took the time to make these Led Zeppelin Plagarism Trading Cards. These are worth poring over as they might not only inspire you to throw away your copy of In Through the Out Door but also teach you a few things about 20th Century music history. While you're at it, you may as well check out THIS GREAT VIDEO of Stairway to Heaven Forward/Televangelists backwards.



Tuesday, July 29, 2014

highly concentrated audio beams to alter your intent

what it is: highly concentrated audio beams to alter your intent
where i found it: don't exactly remember

Somehow I ended up reading about LRAD machines, these contraptions that send highly concentrated audio beams that can be used to torture, disperse crowds, "alter intent" or broadcast crystal clear messages for miles in any direction. Apparently the sound beams pass through walls and other solid material, so don't think you can just put in ear plugs. HERE's the link to the LRAD line of products, the descriptions of which would be good for a laugh if they didn't have such sinister possibilities. If you're still curious after that, HERE's a longer explanation of how these things work.




Friday, July 18, 2014

foil

what it is: foil
where i found it: it's viral

Breaking news is that Weird Al Yankovic is releasing one video a day. I've watched three so far, all great. THIS ONE is extra special, though. Starting off as a regular ode to wrapping food in aluminum foil, it just gets weirder and more paranoid as it goes.

I still believe that his best work can be found in the polka medleys at the end of each album, wherein he simply mocks whatever bullshit songs are popular at the moment. HERE's a great example.


Friday, July 11, 2014

space mountain

I've posted about Ric Flair before. THIS, however, is the best compendium of Flair footage I've seen. You have to ignore the annoying text/link on the screen, but it's well worth it. Space Mountain at his most crazed.


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

tree ring music

what it is: tree ring music
where i found it: the "i fucking love science" site

So THIS is an album comprised of slices of trees (walnut, pine, ash, etc.) spun on a turntable, the dynamics and rhythms being translated into piano sounds, which reminds me that most instruments are made of dead trees, as are floors and tables and chairs and cabinets and baseball bats. Don't trees have any rights?

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

new trend in being dead

HERE's an article about a new trend in being dead: looking like you're not dead. But you're still dead.

the moonies

what it is: the moonies
where i found it: child hood fears

When I was a child my mother warned me about the Moonies, a cult that would kidnap and brainwash you. I pictured giggling maniacs with moons for heads coming in the night to my bedroom and pouring laundry detergent into my ear before stuffing me in a bag.

Now I see that the reality is actually much worse: MOONIES

Thursday, June 19, 2014

isis incinerated

what it is: isis incinerated
where i found it: iraqi television


In case you haven't heard, Iraq is getting eaten by militants. This time, instead of spending trillions of American tax dollars and lives trying to tame it, we're leaving the Iraqis to their own counter insurgency actions. Which seems to be little more than airing bizarro commercials like THIS ONE on their state sponsored TV network.


recent interests

what it is: recent interests
where i found it: my home

non-looney toons tasmanian dedvil

My young son has two recent interests: squashing bugs and Tasmanian devils (a real animal, and one that eats dead things, at that). I've crafted several explanations in attempts to get him to knock off the bug killing. The most recent was an yarn about some people called Buddhists who think that if you kill something you'll come back as that creature in the next life. Without any hesitation he replied "so if I kill a Tasmanian devil that means I can come back as one and eat some carcasses?"

Thursday, June 12, 2014

japanese suicide forest

what it is: japanese suicide forest
where i found it: a. dubin of new jersey

Reader A. Dubin of New Jersey was nice enough to inform us about the existence of a Japanese suicide forest that sits at the base of Mt. Fuji, in case any of us decide we just can't take it any more. But the fact that there really is such a thing as a Japanese suicide forest kind of makes life worth living.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

wilburn burns

what it is: wilburn burns
where i found it: some mix tape

A number of years ago a sampling of the weird stylings of guitarist Wilburn Burchette appeared on a mixtape I was given. The mixture of wind-like sound effects and echoic tile bathroom acoustics made me happy. Now you too can enjoy that happiness:


There's not much information available about this guy, most of it bits and pieces from youtube comments and LP rareity blogs, here of which are a few:








Thursday, May 29, 2014

the spy machine

what it is: the spy machine
where i found it: my pocket


As time passes, I feel dumber and dumber about my compliance with things like Facebook and Google (the nice people hosting this blog as well as terabytes of my personal data/world maps of my personal preferences and behavior). I finally decided to get that Facebook shit off of my phone this morning when I looked at the app permissions and realized I had consented for them to remotely control the camera and video recorder as well as record audio through my phone's microphone whenever they want to. Good lord. If you want to read more about the Big Brother machine I'll provide a couple of links below and you can make your own decision about whether or not to purge this horseshit from your device.








Wednesday, May 21, 2014

amazing spam i recieved this morning

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Field Intelligence Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Bldg.
935 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20535,
USA.
 
Urgent Attention: Beneficiary,
 
I am special agent Mark A. Morgan from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Field Intelligence Unit. We have just intercepted and confiscated two trunks at John F Kennedy International Airport in Jamaica New York, NY 11430 coming from a foreign country.
 
We crosschecked the content of the boxes and found it contained a total sum of $4.1 million dollars. Also with one of the trunks were documents with your name as the receiver of the money. As we progressed in our investigations of the Diplomat which accompanied the trunks into the United States we learned that he was to deliver these funds to your residence as payment of an inheritance/winning, which was due to you.
 
Further checks on the consignment, we found out that the consignment paperwork lacked the PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE forms. We then confiscated both trunks and released the Diplomat. The trunks According to section 229 subsection 31 of the International ,Commerce Regulators Code Enforcement Guidelines, your consignment lacks PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE from the joint team of the Federal Bureau Of Investigation and Homeland Security and therefore you must contact us for direction on how to procure the two certificates, so that you can be relieved of the charges of evading tax which is a jailable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of the  – Tax Code.  We will also be asking the IRS to launch an investigation of money laundering if you do not follow our instructions.
 
You are therefore required to contact me within 72 hours on this email {agmarkamorgan1@r7.com} at that point I will walk you through the process of clearing and claiming the money. Failure to comply may lead to your arrested, interrogation and/or you being prosecuted in the Court of Law for tax evasion and or money laundering. You are also advised not to contact any bank in Africa, Europe or banking institution.
 
Yours in service,
 
Agent Mark A. Morgan
Regional Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
E-mail: agmarkamorgan1@r7.com

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

disorienting shrieking

what it is: disorienting shrieking
where i found it: early 80s denmark

Probably no one in metal has ever matched the heights of Mercyful Fate's pairing of incredible musicianship/odd compositional choices and blood curdling abstract disorienting shrieking. Like opera gone oh so wrong. Here's their first album, which I have not been able to stop listening to this week:

FIRST ALBUM


And I quote:

You've gotta say goodbye
'Cause I will eat your mind

---

The curse of the pharaohs can be so deadly
Or just destroying your future
Makin' it all shady

---

Now bats are leaving their trees

Friday, May 9, 2014

those japanese . . .

what it is: those japanese can really play some surf guitar
where i found it: via an italian in the tour van

Those Japanese can really play some surf guitar! 




Thursday, May 8, 2014

the apocalypse in a child's mind

what it is: the apocalypse in a child's mind
where i found it: my home

My kid has recently become interested in Satan. He wants to know what he looks like, where he comes from and what he's up to. I though a good place to start would be reading him the book of Revelations, in which the great horned beast with ten heads, a blasphemy written on each forehead erupts from the sea. Of course the first question was "what is a blasphemy?" When I replied that it's a "bad word" I was then asked "like shut up and stupid and butt crack?" So now I will always think of the great beast at the end of days with SHUT UP, STUPID and BUTT CRACK carved into his many foreheads as he decimates those who were not swept up in the rapture.



Wednesday, April 23, 2014

poison stories

what it is: poison stories
where i found it: tipped off by harper's magazine

If you're in the mood for an amazing trove of stories check out these oral histories by retired FDA inspectors. Here's one good example of a guy with some shrimp boat horror stories. If you have the time, this makes for some great reading.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

ikettes

what it is: ikettes
where i found it: some movie about backup singers

While watching some movie about backup singers my attention was called to the amazing Ikettes, who not only endured Ike Turner's brutality and ridiculous haircuts, but must have had some of the most grueling and thankless choreography routines in popular music history. Tina is no slouch, that's for sure, but at least she gets to be the star and make the big bucks. This is either misogyny at its worst or athleticism at its best.







Thursday, April 17, 2014

this afternoon's selections

what it is: selections
where i found it: this afternoon

There is an old man patient at the hospital where I work who doesn't want to do anything but watch videos of folk music. He says shit like: "you learn to play the violin, then no problem. you good. that's it." Here a few of the selections he enjoyed this afternoon. This is why I love my job.





steel lady

what it is: steel lady
where i found it: early childhood

I remember the Barbara Mandrell show, but I have no recollection of her playing the fuck out of the steel guitar in this fashion:

1


3



Friday, March 28, 2014

ridiculous tone

what it is: ridiculous tone
where i found it: birmingham england

Easy to ignore the cross between no stage moves and dumb stage moves when you have ridiculous guitar tone/playing like this:






Bonus material: HERE's a different bunch of Brits getting remarkably dark in a sort of different way than their above country mates. Two days after Brian Jones dies. Mick Turner's first turn at bat. Everyone on a lot of god-knows-what.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

and you thought cronos was good

what it is: paul stanley stage banter
where i found it: a friend bent on destroying me

HERE we have seventy wonderful tracks of Paul Stanley's stage banter. This actually achieves the impossible: toppling Venom's Cronos for the championship of absurb utterances whilst performing.


  

you really just can't beat flannery o'connor

You really just can't beat Flannery O'Connor.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

from black sabbath to white keach

what it is: from black sabbath to white keach
where i found it: beginning with tony iommi's guitar tone

I've been listening pretty relentlessly for the past few weeks to the first six Black Sabbath albums. This has lead to three recurring thoughts:

1) This is excellent music to blare into your brain when hungover.

2) How can this band make so few questionable choices over the course of six albums? Even the hilarious backing vocals half way through Electric Funeral and Ozzy ending Fairies Wear Boots * recounting that the doctor's diagnosis is "smoking and tripping is all that you do, yeahhhhhhh!" seem like master strokes.

3) The Butler/Ward rhtyhm section is one of the greatest things to ever happen in rock and roll. When I was younger mostly focused on the foreground riffs and lyrics, but these days I can't help noticing how much the drums and bass kill it at every turn.

4) How the fuck does Tony Iommi get his guitar to sound so great?

For the answer to the last question I turned to a friend who has an unhealthily in-depth knowledge of electronic guitar circuitry. Other than a wah pedal, Iommi relied almost entirely on something called a treble booster (the original model was an amp top box called a Dallas Rangemaster). I am no fan of Eric Clapton, but he apparently popularized these in England with the release of the Blues Breakers with Eric Clapton LP. Here he can be seen on the front of that LP reading a Beano comic.


So while Clapton has been paid so many dollars to water down the blues all these years, at least we have him to thank for giving Iommi the tools to pummel us so mercilessly at such length.

Back to the boxes: obviously these gadgets now go for sums that only the dude form ZZ Top can afford. In fact, here's a picture of him with his Dallas Rangemaster:


Since the 60s, a number of clones of these boxes have popped up. One is the greatly named Klon Centaur. Another is called the Beano Boost. It's not a big leap to go from something called the Beano Boost to a scene from the Western The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean in which an albino villain played by Stacie Keach stands in the street yelling "Beano! Beano!" This must be one of the most unusual scenes in all of cinema. And that's how I got from Black Sabbath to White Keach.


* footnote: there is some debate as to whether Fairies Wear Boots discusses being jumped by skinheads or some hallucinations that poor Ozzy was made to experience. Each listener has to make his own decision.