Tuesday, April 28, 2015

sports iv

what it is: sports
where i found it: the south

As I keep saying, I don't give a shit about sports. But in combing through my old emails I found these pre-game dispatches from an old friend whose mental health suffers from an overabundance of southern college football. I don't know who any of these players are, but it really doesn't matter at all as long as I can hear things like that someone is a "prototypical pitch-a-bitch".

This is it. Composed and 20 lbs lighter, Richt brings the depthless
>dog package into sat. night with question marks. Curious to see the
>firework results to this week's chalk talk; the ice man should come
>out swingin with his side-wheelin monstro QB and gazelle recievers.
>They have a shitty secondary, so it would be possible to turn this
>thing into a laugher. But their defense should be ready for us. If
 >anything, we can unload on them with our seagoin O-line. Our size
 >will make their D-line quit the scene. Musa will be able to get
>behind their backers, he just needs to work on and watch out for the
>first open field move on the secondary and protect those nuts and
>bolts. He can afford a few good dings, but needs to watch out for
 >mid body safty hits. The offense should be able to hold them by the
 >balls, if we just dont get into such a damn hurry with that buffalo
>bill hurry up shit. If Greene can lead us down twice and go 14-0,
>look for Shockley to get a series. Defense-Van Gorder inherited a
 >more talented D last year and came up ratfuck at times. Shit, we
>are less talented this year as our meats outfit the NFL. Im tired
>of this fly-by-night, lemon defense! We have to gamble more.
>Simmons is a field general and will tear us a new one if he has time
>to set up in the pocket. How about them dawgs. I am real
 >interested to see whether Geathers(90) can fill where CG left off.
>Can he knock the props out from under them, and steal their thunder
>by being a prototypical, pitch-a-bitch, speed rush end. He has the
>first step, but can he land the haymaker on Simmons. Boss is the
 >suspected piece man to blitz underneath, we need to lower the boom
 >on them and gag those retard fans. Bottom line, if we cannot
>pressure Simmons, he will kill us with their gazelles. Let em have
>it with both barrels and trash their guy. When he does pass, we
>have to be in holes and corners. Curry (4) needs to watch out, if
 >he blows an assignment we are giving up points. Wrapped tight and
 >birds eye maple, he can become the big play saftey we need. Not
 >worried about them running the ball, the bang man Gilbert should be
>ready to tangle ass and work out on these assholes. We need strong
>play out of the depthless line. Let's hope hell pup Kedric Golston
>can keep that scrap heep o-line off our backers and smoke up their
>backfield with Pollack(47). Lets coldpack the tigers, and start
>this renwed rivalry by watchin them buckle under the fit to bust,
>sanford lights

Monday, April 27, 2015

sports iii

what it is: sports
where i found it: the south

As I keep saying, I don't give a shit about sports. But in combing through my old emails I found these pre-game dispatches from an old friend whose mental health suffers from an overabundance of southern college football. I don't know who any of these players are, but it really doesn't matter at all as long as I can hear things like that they're "goin smashgut at them".


I really hope the bulldogs realize that college football is not a
>game, but legalized mayhem. Amid the shitty loss last week in
>Charlottesville, the cocks look to rebound by keepin it simple.
>Offensively, we have to look for ways to break out of def.
>co-ordinator Charlie Strong's net (9.5 points in 2 years). One way
>is to toughen Musa up and get physical, goin smashgut at them.
>other than a menace end (Gause) and a piss-cutter noseman (Hughes),
 >they are small beer up front. A key will be keeping Hughes out of
>our backfield, which will be hard for our average center (56). The
 >entire left side of our o-line was poor tool versus Clemson. We
 >have got to get Musa diggin, as he seemed to get stuck before he
>could bag ass into the secondary. Their scheme calls for 5
>tweeners(linebacker/safety guys), so we have to devise a chicken
 >fight that will block them out en masse. And how about using
>Freddie vertically and stretch this thing out. If we go at ass
>backwards, they will jump all over us again. Defensively, like what
>I saw in Blue #17, he proved he is the big stick of the secondary.
>We must keep Brewer from being crude again, Shit! Will someone
 >please bung up this honky? Not to worried about the 26 year old
>lumox qb(4 turnovers last week). Wipin the place up with him oughta
>be neat! Van Gorder has a opportunity to go ape on this offense
>that is currently recieverless, using twists and such to "open 'er
>up" in their backfield. They are undertalented, so lets put it to
>em, dawgs!

Saturday, April 25, 2015

sports ii

what it is: sports
where i found it: the south

As I said yesterday, I generally I don't give a shit about sports. But in combing through my old emails I found these pre-game dispatches from an old friend whose mental health suffers from an overabundance of southern college football. I don't know who any of these players are, but it really doesn't matter at all as long as I can hear things like that they "indulgeth in too much grog and speaketh abominations".

>And lo, the People of the Dawg turned their eyes to
>the western wastes, where dwell they who call
>themselves the People of the Tide, though there are no
>oceans, for they are sorely confused about their
>habitat, like unto their mortal enemies the Tiger
>Eagles of the Jungle Plain. Alabama, being a desolate
 >land, haveth many geographical illusions. And being
>thus confused, and having no prophet of their own, the
>People of the Tide sendeth forth he who is surly when
>he indulgeth in too much grog and speaketh
 >abominations, saying that lo, the People of the Dawg
 >be not manly enough. Then he belcheth forth and
>passeth into a stupor, which rendereth him more
>likeable for a few hours, though equally smelly.
 >And the People of the Dawg heareth his mocking words,
 >and giveth forth a growl, and the holy hedges
>trembleth, and sacred Sanford quaketh, and somewhere
>Erk Russell spitteth forth lightning and emitteth
>thunder from his bowels. And Ooga, he who hunkereth,
>heareth also, and cryeth out, "Behold, People of the
 >Tide, ye who were once a fearsome race, marching forth
 >as the People of the Bear, a truly reeking but
>respectable horde. The Bear liveth no longer, except
>in limited edition lithographs, and ten thousand
>trailer park urchins bearing his name. Now thou art
>merely the People of the Tide, a leading laundry
>detergent, and ye speaketh forth of the Tide Rolling,
 >though neither oceans nor washing machines roll,
>neither do elephants, which belongeth in the Jungle,
 >which is where the Tiger Eagles dwell, for thou art a
>confused and vexing people, though Ooga liketh two or
>three of the comely cheerleader wenches, preferably at
 >the same time."
>Thou art not only a confused people but also a DOOMED
>one, for the People of the Dawg art a MANLY ENOUGH
 >People, and are summoned forth to prove out their
 >manliness on network television. And the People of the
 >Dawg shall bring forth their manliness upon the field
 >of battle, and your stadium shall fill with blood and
>the curdling shreiks of melon-bellied bubbas and
>big-haired trailer wenches until Ooga, the prophet,
>surfeth home on a Crimson Tide of thy seeping
>entrails. And Richt the Righteous, who is also manly
>enough, shall take a short break from being righteous
>to pulleth the heart from the chest of his vanquished
>foe, and eateth it before the television cameras, just
 >before the Dairy Queen commercial. And then the People
>of the Dawg shall proceed to the Jungle Plain, where
>dwelleth he who strappeth on no pads but talketh big
>about manliness, and the Big Dawg shall lift his leg
>and marketh him liquidly for territorial rights in
>November.
>And the Elephant People of the Crimson Ocean Detergent
 >shall return to their trailer parks, and changeth
>forth the diapers of young Bear VII and little
 >Bearina, and prayeth before their limited edition
 >lithographs that their Guardian Bear might come down
 >once more and protecteth them from the fury of a Dawg
 >who is surely MANLY ENOUGH. Amen.




Friday, April 24, 2015

sports

what it is: sports
where i found it: the south

Generally I don't give a shit about sports. But in combing through my old emails I found these pre-game dispatches from an old friend whose mental health suffers from an overabundance of southern college football. I don't know who any of these players are, but it really doesn't matter at all as long as I can hear things like that they're "powerful enough to trade punches with a power shovel".

Bulldogs vs. Crimson Tide: Aces Wild. The crunch is finally here as
>we find out what the Dawgs are all about. Offensively-No crappin
>out when it comes to keepin the human meat blizzard they have coming
>after Greene. Line coach Calloway needs to get our meat on the
>hoof(NCAA inspected) pass blocking so we have time to set up hot
>routes through their unproven secondary. That's our matchup-we
>can't run it on them, we must hang it up deep. They have 4 highly
>respected lugs on their line, which will make for a tough block.
>Knight is a sack o flower center, so running in the middle will not
>cut it, especially since Musa has become so ordinary. D co-ordinator
> Nascarl Torbush does a lot of motion stuff, which will make the
>effectiveness of our play-fake decline. Greene looks slow setting
>up, the ball is sticking to his hand, but still coming out like a
>shot without much arc. Christ! Let's face it, he's throwing a flat
>ball. Stop the seepage, let him set and find his man. Recievers
>need to gussy up their play. If I see Reggie Brown boob one more
>catch I will shoot my cookies. Gibson's 2 catch, 2 drop, fumble
>routine will not cut it either. I think Richt is having trouble
>getting him to buy into the whole shot. Fred, shake a leg and get
>moving downfield for points, Get the Lead out, man! These bums
>can't collar you. This is a big game so screw it on and don't fan on
>it! Richt, you need to tear it down, soup it up, and strip it for
>speed, Damnit. Hey Mark, Where in the hell are the yards?
>Defensively-Stacking against the run with top eliminators Boss and
>Gibert should make it tough for them to get much of a push. SS Tommy
>Davis (#10) has developed into a excellent run stopper and is tough
>enough to swap punches with a power shovel. Wailing on their running
>game will force them into passing miscues. Get down shitty with
 >these guys first crack out of the box,silence the crowd, I can
>assure you they wwill not run wild on us. Good news is that they
>will be without their punter, so field position will be on our side
>if we force supposed punts, Which almost sux becauese we need Gary
>to wiggle his returns up an down the field all day long on these
>damn cheaters! Whale the piss out of em dawgs and let's jam one up
>on this shitheap SEC west team! Holy Fuck, would that keep me happy.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

job opportunity

what it is: job opportunity
where i found it: indeed.com

Searching the job postings for music therapy positions this morning I came across this opportunity:

The Snuggery - Rochester, NY

Job responsibilities include meeting clients, explaining company policies and leading client through brief intake process, snuggling with clients, and remaking the bed after clients leave. The majority of your time will be spent snuggling with clients.
Bachelors degree is preferred. Fields such as psychology, social work, music and art therapy, and nursing are desirable but not required. Good people skills are necessary. Ability to communicate and maintain strong and healthy boundaries is also essential.
Compensation is $30 hourly. This is a part-time job opening.


Thursday, April 9, 2015

other ghettos

what it it: other ghettos
where i found it: spare time

I've been neglecting this here blog to assist in building a couple of other ghettos, largely Facebook based.

The first, NORTHERN DAMAGE, chronicles stuff of the local sort.

The second, ZAM, PSYCH, PROG, INDIE CONCLAVE, is more or less what it's name describes. It's super active right now, a river of unusual music flowing forth from the wellspring of (mostly) youtube.

If you're allergic to facebook you can just check out THIS PAGE with pictures of people holding baby Nicholas Cages.