Tuesday, April 28, 2015

sports iv

what it is: sports
where i found it: the south

As I keep saying, I don't give a shit about sports. But in combing through my old emails I found these pre-game dispatches from an old friend whose mental health suffers from an overabundance of southern college football. I don't know who any of these players are, but it really doesn't matter at all as long as I can hear things like that someone is a "prototypical pitch-a-bitch".

This is it. Composed and 20 lbs lighter, Richt brings the depthless
>dog package into sat. night with question marks. Curious to see the
>firework results to this week's chalk talk; the ice man should come
>out swingin with his side-wheelin monstro QB and gazelle recievers.
>They have a shitty secondary, so it would be possible to turn this
>thing into a laugher. But their defense should be ready for us. If
 >anything, we can unload on them with our seagoin O-line. Our size
 >will make their D-line quit the scene. Musa will be able to get
>behind their backers, he just needs to work on and watch out for the
>first open field move on the secondary and protect those nuts and
>bolts. He can afford a few good dings, but needs to watch out for
 >mid body safty hits. The offense should be able to hold them by the
 >balls, if we just dont get into such a damn hurry with that buffalo
>bill hurry up shit. If Greene can lead us down twice and go 14-0,
>look for Shockley to get a series. Defense-Van Gorder inherited a
 >more talented D last year and came up ratfuck at times. Shit, we
>are less talented this year as our meats outfit the NFL. Im tired
>of this fly-by-night, lemon defense! We have to gamble more.
>Simmons is a field general and will tear us a new one if he has time
>to set up in the pocket. How about them dawgs. I am real
 >interested to see whether Geathers(90) can fill where CG left off.
>Can he knock the props out from under them, and steal their thunder
>by being a prototypical, pitch-a-bitch, speed rush end. He has the
>first step, but can he land the haymaker on Simmons. Boss is the
 >suspected piece man to blitz underneath, we need to lower the boom
 >on them and gag those retard fans. Bottom line, if we cannot
>pressure Simmons, he will kill us with their gazelles. Let em have
>it with both barrels and trash their guy. When he does pass, we
>have to be in holes and corners. Curry (4) needs to watch out, if
 >he blows an assignment we are giving up points. Wrapped tight and
 >birds eye maple, he can become the big play saftey we need. Not
 >worried about them running the ball, the bang man Gilbert should be
>ready to tangle ass and work out on these assholes. We need strong
>play out of the depthless line. Let's hope hell pup Kedric Golston
>can keep that scrap heep o-line off our backers and smoke up their
>backfield with Pollack(47). Lets coldpack the tigers, and start
>this renwed rivalry by watchin them buckle under the fit to bust,
>sanford lights