BECOS, THE FIRST WORD

forced human fly

2012-03-10T08:53:00.001-08:00

what it is: the cramps assert themselves
where i found it: my 15th year

I woke up this morning with the Cramps' incredibly stupid song Human Fly in my head. When I was 15 my friend had a Human Fly cassingle, which got stuck in the tape player of his dad's van. From that day forward until the sold the van, his dad couldn't turn on the radio without hearing Human Fly. It may still be stuck there for all I know.

In case you're not familiar with the Human Fly, you can go here to get it stuck in you metal tape deck.

Also, here's some footage of the Cramps playing in a mental hospital.

Here's some more footage of the Cramps turning a more traditional concert setting into something kind of like a mental hospital.

bewitched

2012-03-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

YOU ARE BEWITCHED!

By the way, if you are attentive and if you care, a young Dead from Mayhem seems to be one of the shuffling entranced minions.

impaled northern moonforest

2012-03-08T10:07:00.001-08:00

what it is: impaled northern moonforest
where i found it: the same questionable heroes who brought you AxCx.

Apparently this band was born in the middle of the night when the awake members of AxCx wanted to start a black metal band but didn't want to wake up their housemate. The vocals are whispered, the guitar is not plugged in and the drums are supposedly a guy tapping his hands on the side of a mattress, but it sounds surprisingly like true, evil black metal. The name Impaled Northern Moonforest really makes me laugh. A lot.

Here's their hit Grim and Frostbitten Moongoats of the North.

death and taxes

2012-03-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

what it is: death and taxes
where i found it: USA

This is the first year I've decided to listen to relentless amounts of black metal and drink awful amounts of beer while doing my taxes. I see it as some kind of offering to Mammon, the ancient deity of $. Look at this dude. How could I not get more money back creating an environment of inebriation and caveman Satanism in deference to him?

Also, in reference to the above pictured guy, I came across
a) the below pretty funny (and sort of hard to read) print ad and
b) a totally incomprehensible link that seems to describe a battle of symbolic/biblical importance occurring in a hidden way in the code of the Mozilla and Netscape browsers.

Here's the ad:

Here's the incomprehensible link.

bill and jimmy

2012-03-06T10:13:00.001-08:00

what it is: bill and jimmy have a little talk
where i found it: arthur magazine (RIP) via wfmu tweet

See what these guys have to say to one another.

countdown to ecstasy

2012-03-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

what it is: steely dan's countdown to ecstasy LP
where i found it: a thrift store dollar bin

There a some albums that really seize your brain and heart at the same time. I tend to get obsessed when I'm lucky enough to encounter them, listening to them over and over again until they even invade my dreams. A few of these over the years have included Judas Priest's Sin After Sin, Dissection's Storm of the Light's Bane, the Melvins' Lysol, Fugazi's Repeater and Ray Price's Greatest Hits. Also in this category is Steely Dan's Countdown to Ecstasy. This one lasted longer than most and caused me to go on a subsequent rampage through the rest of their somewhat soul-less, critically acclaimed, smooth adult music, "yacht rock" catalogue. This was difficult for both me and my wife, who kept asking why I wanted to listen to music so devoid of any tension. Good question.

At any rate, here's a little free associative commentary on Side A:

We start off side A with Bodhisattva, a number that’s a little too jaunty for me, but it does include some lightning speed boogie guitar. They also say the word “Bodhisattva” too many times.

With Razor Boy they make up for the above sins with incredibly obtuse lyrics and haunting, intricate pedal steel/marimba interplay. “I guess only women in cages can stand this kind of night”. Huh?

Next up we have the Boston Rag, the one that gets stuck in my head the most. An elusively dark groove with an unbelievable breakdown complete with spooky guitar knob volume swells.

Gold Teeth. Full of angular, devastating piano whirlwinds that somehow the guitarist is able to get on board with. Generally like lurking, sinister smooth jazz. And more cryptic lyrics:

You fasten up your beaded gown, then you try to tie me down

Tobacco they grow in Peking, in the year of the locust you’ll see a sad thing

There ain’t nothing in Chicago for a monkey woman to do

And there we have an exemplary album side.

planet am

2012-03-04T08:14:00.001-08:00

what it is: browsing AM radio
where i found it: it's in the air all around us

In case you may have forgotten, there's nothing like a long scan through AM radio. In this day of programming minutely targeted to your every desire, nothing hits the spot like a varied barrage of things randomly selected from the airwaves that probably don't fit your demographic in the least. There's nothing to stretch you mind like Greek, Spanish and Korean commentaries, passionate opinions about high school sports, religious fanatics, political rants you're assured not to agree with, shaky/staticy music that no one likes, tips about vegan macaroni and cheese, unbelievably obnoxious commercial voice overs and interviews with alien abductees. All right there waiting for you. For free.

senseless drawing bot

2012-03-03T07:16:00.002-08:00

what it is: creepy art robots
where i found it: an e-mail from an old buddy

Do you like printers that play House of the Rising Sun? What about creepy musical mini helicopters? What about a "senseless drawing bot"? If so, these videos are for you.

house

creepy

senseless

watch the pentagram

2012-03-02T07:16:00.001-08:00

what it is: pentagram movie finally gets released
where i found it: i haven't yet

I've been hearing about this documentary that deals with the mighty Pentagram for a while, but today it's actually being released in theaters. It's hard to decide if I should spend $11 on that or the new Tyler Perry movie.

24 hours later update: See this fucking movie. It made me cry. My favorite quote: "Bacon. Crack. Love. If it's bad for your heart, Bobby Liebling can't get enough of it."

just in case

2012-03-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

Just in case there is one iota of doubt in your brain as to who the Godfather of Soul is, please see the below (several times). All brought to us by the late Mr. Cornelius. Also please note the use of Sunn amps to not make drone metal.

graffiti squared part 2

2012-02-29T09:23:00.000-08:00

what it is: more weird patterns

where i found it: around town

One of my favorite unintentional art forms is when people do a poor job of covering over graffiti (usually in a color that's not quite the shade of the original, but sometimes they don't even try). While it clearly does nothing to un-deface their property, it usually leaves some great and unusual shapes.

gangs of new york

2012-02-28T07:49:00.001-08:00

Here's a list of creative and excellent old school gang names from the New York City Police Museum, which sucks other than this list and a wall of improvised weaponry they have on display.

abandoned monuments

2012-02-27T06:52:00.001-08:00

what it is: abandoned soviet monuments
where i found it: crack two

Here is a great series of pictures of abandoned Soviet momuments, looking like alien vehicles that crashed in the middle of nowhere. I found them on the Crack Two site, which is horribly hobbled by advertisements, yet has alot of interesting photography.

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In other news, Erland Josephson died, who was a main man for both Andrei Tarkovsky and Ingmar Bergman. I would be afraid of meeting either of those guys, much less being at the whim of their direction. If you like long, slow, harrowing movies you can see his work in Scenes from a Marriage (where he slowly, mercilessly devestates his wife) and the Sacrifice where he philosophizes endlessly towards obliteration.

filosofem

2012-02-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

what it is: christian vikernes' take on instrument choice
where i found it: researching drum machines

I came across this essay that Christian ("Varg"/"Count Grishnach"/"Burzum") Vikerness - I can't resist using his real first name - wrote about how he chooses instruments. For once, I am in total agreement with his opinion. At some point in the future I also can't resist posting one his early interviews, which along with a couple of other black metal gems of extreme nihilism really takes the cake.

Ancient Nord wisdom regarding Marshall amplifiers

Equally nonchalant in his choice of medieval weaponry?

RIP reichel

2012-02-24T07:46:00.002-08:00

what it is: hans reichel, leaving earth a while ago
where i found it: word of mouth

Someone mentioned to me yesterday that Hans Reichel had died a few months back. I cannot not post about a German guy that invented crazy, exquisitely sculpted instruments and wrote operas for them. He was also a master of prepared and altered guitars. His records (mostly on FMP) are expensive but worth it.

Here's a video containing some of his music and more "daxophone" visuals.

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I guess while I'm at it I may as well do an extremely belated (10 years) RIP for Peter Kowald, also from Wupertal, Germany. An upright bass virtuoso and throat singer who apparently rode his bicycle around Wupertal all the time, played on Peter Brotzmann's devestating Machine Gun album and in last years of his life fulfilled a dream of driving a station wagon around the USA playing with all of the local improvisers he came across. They should make more guys like this.

Old classic footage, not much Kowald visual

Newer footage, much Kowald visual

very good voivod video

2012-02-22T06:43:00.000-08:00

what it is: very good voivod video
where i found it: the underside of the 80s

I've been on a Voivod kick ever since those early demos got released. I cannot not share this video with you.

stooge stories

2012-02-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

what it is: stooge stories
where i found it: requiem metal podcast

Iggy Pop wearing white golf shoes while dancing on a metal washboard connected to a contact mic and hooked up through a giant PA. This is one of the short excellent tales related by Ron Ashton (RIP) in these never-before-heard-in-full interviews. As usual, the guys who do this podcast are simultaneously pretty goofy and pretty interesting. Plus, their banter and the Ron Ashton material is interspersed with classic Stooges tracks. How could you not like this?

"we were in love with contact mics"

the grateful dead is not good

2012-02-18T18:55:00.000-08:00

what it is: the grateful dead not being good
where i found it: the tape deck of my car

Maybe it was the LSD. Maybe it was being swept more than once into the dark side of the hippy kingdom that the Grateful Dead brought to town with them. Maybe it was the bad judgement of a teenager.
When I was 18, I used to kind of like the Grateful Dead. I even have a number of old bootleg tapes that (according to the heavier 'heads I knew) are supposedly where it is at and that I used to enjoy toking up and listening to. This morning I popped one in for the first time in a few years and guess what I discovered. The Grateful Dead is not good.

Bad Ray Charles imitations, aimless guitar solos, half-hearted vocals, uninteresting dips into the avant-garde, lackadaisical white people grooves. They're all there in force. At least Phish had some well rehearsed compositional twists. That's right. After all is said and done, The Grateful Dead do not seem to be good.

bill cosby. naked.

2012-02-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: bill cosby. naked.
where i found it: word of mouth

Check out this cartoon series House of Cosbys, including a naked Cosby, a bathing Cosby, a cleaning Cosby, a silent Cosby and a curious Cosby. It's much funnier than this summary makes it sound. And it's no longer in production b/c B.C's lawyers shut it down. Sort of like they supposedly shut down the Dukes of Hazzard.

I've only watched the first episode, which reaches a fever pitch of hilarity and insanity. Let's see how far it can go.

hostile trees

2012-02-16T07:40:00.000-08:00

what it is: hostile trees
where i found it: they're everywhere. run.

A while back I posted about my fear (and hope) that trees would take over civilization. This guy obviously has the same idea and has documented it much more extensively here.

He also offers these other great photo posts:

Rock Stars with their parents

Imprints made when birds hit windows

Abandoned Soviet monuments

more stuff i've gotten rid of

2012-02-15T06:26:00.000-08:00

what it is: new years resolution update
where i found it: my junkyard of a house

I'm not totally up to date on my pledge to get rid of one thing a day, but I'm still trying. Here are a few recent discards:

some jalapeno vinegar i made five years ago that will burn your gums out

a lengthy and weird book that's sort of about time travel

a bottle of gross strawberry lemonade that a guest brought over

an outdated comedy text

a zebra named ryan

tweet tweet

2012-02-13T08:47:00.000-08:00

what it is: wfmu twitter feed
where i found it: the 'net

I recently joined Twitter, thinking there had to be something to it. There is. Millions and millions of stupid little sentences being launched at you all day long. Ugh. One exception to this is WFMU's feed, which sends awesome links of all kinds, one after the other. Here are a few examples from the last several days.

Jan Svenkmeyer on youtube. I hadn't seen this short in about twenty years. My favorite parts are the flying ears and when the brain crawls through the door.

Survival research laboratories. I had forgotten about this too. I hadn't seen it since I went to one of their long ago performances at a motor speedway in middle-of-nowhere-Texas.

Justin Beiber's face made of meat.

pen vs. sword

2012-02-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

Slayer weighs in on which is mightier.

poor reportage

2012-02-10T06:54:00.000-08:00

what it is: poor reportage
where i found it: the new york times

The Times published an obit yesterday of Zalman King, speaking at length about his fame as a Cinemax soft core porn director and his most famous work, 9 and 1/2 Weeks. I was appalled, however, that they didn't even bother to mention his starring role in the film Blue Sunshine, one of the best horror/LSD movies ever made. As far as I'm concerned it's essential viewing, far better than watching Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger court in soft focus. Below is a summary from Wikipedia, which which concisely outlines the preposterous plot.

In the midst of a party a reveler croons to the rest of the room and has his hair suddenly pulled off by a curious friend. The bald crooner then has a psychotic break and starts killing everyone. Jerry Zipkin (Zalman King), is wrongly accused of the murders, and tries to gather evidence to prove his innocence with the help of Alicia Sweeney (Deborah Winters). He discovers that 10 years prior, a group of college kids had taken a new form of LSD called "Blue Sunshine," which causes its users to lose their hair and become homicidal maniacs many years after their trip is over. Zipkin manages to defeat the crazed bodyguard of a local politician, and save the shopping mall discotheque by carefully remembering the advice of the gun shop employee.

Please see this movie.

bert = guy?

2012-02-09T09:28:00.001-08:00

Following up from yesterday's Fugazi post, am I the only one who thinks Guy Picciotto strikingly resembles Bert from Sesame Street?

By the way, in case you didn't know, Bert is evil.

PS - Despite looking like Bert, Picciotto has done some excellent work outside of Fugazi. Check out his production on the Blonde Redhead albums, his work with Vic Chestnutt and (going back a ways) Rites of Spring. And he let me use his amp once when mine was broken. One of the good guys.

welcome to fugazi mountain

2012-02-07T07:15:00.000-08:00

what it is: more fugazi than you can shake a stick at
where i found it: my 15th year on earth

If you were ever a Fugazi fan then today you're a lucky person. The folks at Dischord are posting every live show they ever did, all available on their sight for sliding scale prices ($1-100) per show. That's way too much Fugazi for me, even though I liked them a lot and their Repeater album absolutely stretched me. If the thing you enjoyed most was their stage banter (brow beating people who danced, insulting your town), then you're also in luck. Someone has posted a 40 minute compilation of Mackaye yapping, which is better than it sounds.

Here's the link to the archives.

imaginary strangers in a child's mind

2012-02-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

what it is: imaginary strangers in a child's mind
where i found it: my seed

My son is trying to get his head around the idea of what a stranger is. It's really hard to convey to him that they're not all evil, but some are and that they're not all creepy dudes in a van with a mustache, but some are. We were driving around the neighborhood the other day and he asked me if the below object was a stranger. At first it just looked like a wrapped up garden umbrella, but now I can't drive past it without getting the creeps.

bye bye ben

2012-02-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

what it is: RIP ben gazzarra
where i found it: a marathon texas cassavetes film festival

Three RIPs in a row is pushing it, but all three are worth it. Now we have the death of Ben Gazzarra, one of John Cassavetes' core crew. If you've never seen the Cassavetes movies, now is the time. For those of us that have, this gives us all good occasion for a review. Loose-limbed and emotionally wrenching, they're all well worth your time. The trio of Cassavetes, Gazzara and Peter Falk (more famous as detective Colombo) as no good business men spouses on a bender in Husbands is confusing, chaotic and super. You also might want to check out his work as devastatingly f'ed up father in Buffalo 66 and as a depressed casino owner in Killing of a Chinese Bookie. Bye bye Ben.

suicide pact?

2012-02-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

what it is: a don cornelius/mike kelley suicide pact?
where i found it: the news

This week has brought news of the alleged suicides of both Mike Kelley and Don Cornelius (the suicide part is new to me since yesterday's Cornelius post). Is there a chance that the two were doing some psychologically entwined dance of death?

If you don't know, Mike Kelley was a co-founder of the weirdo performance art band Destroy All Monsters (get a hold of the Ecstatic Peace box set if you can - good luck), who influenced pretty much every post punk band there ever was, whether they know it or not. You also might know him from his sculptures made of dirty stuffed animals, some of which appeared on the front of Sonic Youth's Dirty LP. I got to see one of his sculpture shows about a year ago in Long Island City, which left me feeling empty inside despite being constructed out of fuzzy and cute creatures. Maybe that was the point.

If you're interested, here's a PBS documentary about some of his art making.

bye bye don cornelius

2012-02-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

what it is: RIP don cornelius
where i found it: saturday morning

Growing up a white kid amongst white kids, Soul Train always appeared to be a Saturday morning delivery from a strange alien planet. Decades later it seems like a fantastic archive of unapologetically black, pre-gang obsessed urban culture that may have never otherwise been amassed. My job these days involves playing music with a lot of old black people, so Soultrain and Don Cornelius are an invaluable resource for brushing up on my old soul. It's not only about the music, though. The clothes, the moves and the attitudes might just blow your mind. Thanks Don.

You can spend all afternoon with this stuff, but here are some good places to start:

look for rerun

super brother himself

the queen (too short)

maybe you prefer the digest, infomercial style

concealed firearms

2012-02-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

what it is: concealed firearms
where i found it: the eternal fount of reader JPW

You probably shouldn't watch this at work. Reader JPW and the people of Japan deliver the goods again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlROdzxj5B8&feature=related

more about jack

2012-01-31T07:24:00.000-08:00

what it is: more about jack rose
where i found it: late night in philadelphia

I realized after mentioning Jack Rose yesterday that I'd never dedicated a post to him, about which I should be ashamed. Two years ago he died all of a sudden after burning up the fingerboard for about ten years straight. If you've never heard his albums, please do. Great finger picking cross between Fahey and Indian music and pre-depression blues. Everybody knows that, but what they might not know are these little stories that I remember about him.

1) The first time I met him I stayed at his house after a gig in Philadelphia. He got wildman drunk and forced me to listen to Elvis bootlegs, a single recorded line delivered by the Greatful Dead's Pigpen (over and over and over) and a few single notes of a pedal steel solo (over and over and over) from a David Crosby solo album.

2) He had a bad temper on stage sometimes and would often abruptly stop playing and loudly reprimand someone in the audience. Once this included yelling "turn off the fucking reverb!" to the soundman only for the soundman to reply "there is no reverb". Another time he yelled "learn how to clap!" when someone tried to help keep time along with him (it happened to be the lady who set up the show and lived in the loft where it was happening = highly awkward).

3) I don't know if his death was in any way alcohol related, but one of the last things he said to me, over extremely spicy soy chicken, red-faced and sweating, was "I've got to get that bottle of whiskey taken off my rider".

4) I have never seen anyone so excited as when Jack showed me a new Reverend Gary Davis right hand picking pattern he had just learned. Like a kid on Christmas morning. This guy was a true enthusiast.

5) A selection of other things I don't remember because Rose was a heroic drinking partner.

6) The most important thing I learned from the guy was that it is still possible to do shit the way you want to and believe in. He was extremely grumpy, hard headed and uncompromising when it came to his opinions and approach to music, which served him well in trying to survive as a touring musician this day in age and not cave in to all manner of bullshit along the way. I hope he's making god listen to Elvis bootlegs right now.

who's your favorite avant-garde minimalist lute player?

2012-01-30T08:57:00.000-08:00

Mine is Josef Van Wissem. I met this guy when I was playing at a guitar festival a few years ago. My favorite part of the weekend was eating breakfast with him (aside from eating Thai food with Jack Rose - the last time I ever saw him). He travels the world, is kind of grumpy, plays custom made lutes and delivers some otherworldly, spacious, repetetive, hypnotic sound. He even works in field recordings and has a megolomaniacal concept that as he travels he is visiting the stations of the cross in airports across the world. He also wears ruffly outfits and is smitten with early music. Yes.

Here's his UBU sight, with lots of free music and commentary. How can you lose with song titles like "How the Soul Has Arrived at the Understanding of her Nothingness".

play some guitar with a towel

2012-01-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

warlock

2012-01-27T07:47:00.000-08:00

what it is: warlock
where i found it: the strand

No this is not another post about metal (though the title could easily be the name of a metal band), nor is it about male witches, unless you think of gun slinging as a type of necromancy. This is about the novel Warlock, by the greatly named Oakley Hall. Occasionally you come across a work that stretches or exceeds the boundaries of it's genre and gets down into some of the lower/upper depths of human motivation. The Godfather, Valis etc.I think this is one of them.

This is not easy to do. Many have tried and failed. In my opinion Cormac McCarthy is right at the top of that list. So is Thomas Pynchon (who happened to write the blurb on the back of Warlock), even though he's a favorite of both Charles Manson and Timothy Leary (apparently they bonded over Gravity's Rainbow when they were in adjacent California prison cells).

Mean as a snake outlaws, striking miners, Apache killers, lunatic generals, a lawman with golden revolvers, villain capitalists and murderous gamblers are all here, but it sort of reads like a believable every day account. I like it.

rise of the greeks

2012-01-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

what it is: greek underground metal
where i found it: see below

When I think of Greeks the first things that come to mind are Socrates, discus throwers, fraternity brothers and financial ruin. Metal makes me think of the snowy north, not so much of Zeus and the Parthenon. For many years I've resisted listening to Greek metal, probably because of lame band photos and horrible cover art. For example:

what appears to be either an all seeing bunch of carrots or an all seeing bird's foot

However, I recently came across this, an excellent Greek underground metal compilation with extensive commentary on each track. It made me a believer. Please don't be scared away by the horrifying title of the post, "Bromantic Interlude".

piggy rises from the dead

2012-01-25T08:11:00.000-08:00

what it is: the new/old voivod
where i found it: alternative tentacles!

blacky vigorously emits some sounds

I never would have pegged Jello Biafra for a Voivod fan, but here we have a (double vinyl!!!) reissue of Voivod's earliest recordings on Alternative Tentacles. I hadn't heard a note of Voivod since they put out Angel Rat and that stupid song about "The circus left without me. And I'm alone with you now" and when Metallica's Jason Newstead got on board I thought it to be wholly preposterous and didn't even bother to believe it, but these early demos have really rekindled my affection.

Any band with four members named Away, Blacky, Snake and Piggy can't be all bad, but here we have them in their late teens living in some shitty Canadian industrial town playing something that sounds like a cross between Venom and Black Flag with impressive passages of finger tapping and sloppy drum fills.
We also get great pre-Sci-Fi-concept song titles like Condemned to the Gallows, Helldriver,. Slaughter in a Grave, Black City, Incantation, Suck Your Bone and Warriors of Ice all in the same place. No "circus left without me" crap.

Inner photos include the the band scaling a giant gravestone as well as Snake wearing a gas mask and the lamest/cheapest looking bondage gear on which I've ever laid eyes. All hail the Voivod.

those guys that do voiceovers

2012-01-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

what it is: a guy that does voiceovers
where i found it: long ago in atlanta

Mr. Reagan, live from inside an autistic child's snow globe (see below)

Have you ever wondered what the guys who do voice overs are actually like behind the dramatic, deep and soothing tones in which they speak? I have an old friend who is now a voice over artist. Here's a sample of his excellent work.

commercial yapping

When you dig a little deeper, though, the below link is what you find. I like to think every voice over artist has a side project along similar lines. If only we could find them.

live from inside an autistic child's snow globe

your prefered level of unease

2012-01-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

what it is: ?
where if found it: the same place as those paula deen quaalude videos.

In case you don't follow the comments on this blog, I will point you to this deeply unsettling clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbYMdo_YM2I

diabetes is good

2012-01-21T17:32:00.000-08:00

what it is: the repugnant horror of paula deen
where i found it: unfortunately, all over the place

There was too mcuh in the news this week about Paula Deen, who makes unhealthy food, has a bullshit Southern accent and announced that she has diabetes/is sponsoring a diabetes pharmaceutical product on the same day. What was less discussed is that she also inhabits an internet-based drug-fueled alternate reality. Reader JPW pointed me to the first of these videos. Kind of like DJ Screw's music, but the vibes are really bad.

the genius of jelly

2012-01-20T07:18:00.000-08:00

what it is: the genius of jelly
where i found it: some new orleans brothel in the 1890s

Five reasons to love Jelly Roll Morton

1) He was the first person to transcribe jazz, essentially turning it from an oral to an oral/written tradition. While this made it possible for jackasses like Wynton Marsalis to turn jazz into a sterile academic exercise it also codified some amazing and alive orchestration styles that we may not have ever heard otherwise.

2) He yells out weird things in the middle of his piano solos like "Oh Mister Jelly!"

3) He wrote a fantastic and hilarious autobiography, recording some New Orleans/Black American traditions that may have otherwise been lost.

4) He delivered poetry over music boastfully detailing his pimping, fondness for profanity, creative interactions with guns and women, drinking, revenge fantasies and wealth 70 YEARS before any gangster rappers were even born.

5) His first name = slang for vagina

the S.O.B. chord progression

2012-01-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

what it is: the chord progression to play if your a no good sonofabitch
where i found it: various record bins

If your going to leave your woman and insult her on the way out this might be the chord progression for you. Both of these songs can probably be traced back to the same folk roots or it might just be a cooincidence, but I love them both dearly and each has much to offer in it's own way.

First up we have Johnny Cash's Understand Your Man. The man in black at his most mean-as-a-snake and rednecky. Don't tell your kin folks to give me no talkin'. I'm tired of your bad mouthin'. Etc. The combination of mariachi horns and back woods knife slide guitar works surprisingly well.

understand your man

And here we have the same progression also used to deliver a fuck you to an unfortunate lady. Here are three versions to enjoy.

robert

jack

peter, etc.

twinkies retire

2012-01-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

what it is: twinkies retire
where i found it: the news

Last week it was announced that Hostess is filing for bankruptcy. This is vexing, not only because I eat five or six Twinkies a day, but I was also going to use my Twinkie consumption as an excuse for any murder that I may eventually want to commit. I'm too young to remember this, but an elderly psychiatrist friend of mine told me that the guy who assassinated Harvey Milk and the San Francisco Mayor back in 1978 (on my birthday, no less) claimed that his eating of Twinkies was related to the killings. And he beat the rap.

quasthoff retires

2012-01-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

what it is: quasthoff's retirement
where i found it: the news

I am usually not too big on classical vocals. Sometime in the 90s, though, I heard a performance by a guy named Thomas Quasthoff on the radio that blew me away. He's recorded a wide range of works, but it was Schubert's Winterreise that got me. I found a few of his albums (usually with just a noble looking shoulders-up portrait of him on the cover), listened a lot and then got blown away again when someone told me that the guy had been poised in utero and apparently had no arms and no legs. This was before the internet allowed us to confirm in an instant whether someone in fact has limbs or not and I didn't believe it. A few years later I saw a full body picture. No arms. No legs.
It was announced this week that he's retiring. Go with God Quasthoff.

the demon gets outed

2012-01-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

what it is: the demon outed as a mere jewish boy
where i found it: BB

Reader BB found this clip as a suggestion after he viewed the Thor video posted here a few days ago. Gene Simmons gets outed as an ordinary Jewish boy on national television. Go old lady.

interesting things to say before a guitar solo

2012-01-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

willie nelson: "pick one"

david lee roth: "edward? thank you"

merle haggard: "flurry on me one time"

rob halford: "good god, pluck me!"

weird bible verses

2012-01-13T06:54:00.000-08:00

what it is: weird bible verses
where i found it: some other blog

Every Wednesday this guy blogs about strange and mystifying excerpts from the Bible. One recent one is about collecting and amassing the foreskins of your enemies. If anything is worth subscribing to, this is.

Vintage Faith

I believe I found this on one of the world's worst named blogs, Boing Boing, but they post about 20 times a day and I don't have time to file through all of their insanity right now to verify this.

purging

2012-01-12T08:14:00.000-08:00

what it is: getting rid of stuff
where i found it: i'm buried in it!

My New Years resolution is to get rid of one thing every day. I could link this to some lofty Buddhist ideal of unattachment or something, but it's more that I just keep freaking out and throwing temper tantrums, feeling like I'm drowning in stuff.
So here is "What I Got Rid of Today - Volume I, What I Got Rid of So Far".

1) A weird zine with a Viking on the front. I got this at one of those handmade Christmas craft fairs they used to have on the Lower East Side.

2) An old dictionary. This was my wife's old dictionary from when she first came to the USA. Now she speaks English good so she doesn't need it anymore.

3) I complained about this book in another post. Too long. Not enough interesting parts. Won the lame National Book Award. Never going to open it again.

4) Twilight. I got this for free at a book swap, figuring it might be OK if it's about vampires and werewolves and everyone on the subway seems to be reading it. Then I was on an airplane and the passenger next to me was watching the movie, which I saw without sound. It was nothing but a teenage girl sitting around her house looking concerned, an anemic looking dude also looking concerned and some guy riding a motorcycle shirtless through the woods. Fuck this.

5) Some old toe molding. This came from the attic of a home my family lives in. I though I would use it to make my house look sharp, but there's about ten rusty nails in every board, making it impossible to deal with. Fuck this, too.

a bed of nails reminds me of . . .

2012-01-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

what it is: indian pole dancing
where i found it: jpw

I recently posted about a bed of nails that I came across on the way to work. This reminded reader JPW, one of this blog's most valuable bullshit contributors, of this Indian pole dancing. After seeing this I wonder how we can still think of golf or bowling (or football, baseball or basketball) as athleticism.

thor

2012-01-10T06:39:00.001-08:00

This was sent to me from someone in Texas:

thor

hag favorites vi

2012-01-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites vi
where i found it: various record bins

I've always said that given a tree, I can accomplish anything. From the sounds of this song, I am not the only man who believes this.

shade tree fix it man

hag favorites v

2012-01-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites v
where i found it: various record bins

In this one, Haggard falls in love with woman who sounds a lot like a hooker. The neighbors are curious about what in the world they could be doing behind those closed shades, probably something lewd. Haggard is happy as a clam, though. He even lets out some Bob Wills style falsettos to prove it.

living with the shades pulled down

my commute

2012-01-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

what it is: my commute
where i found it: harlem, usa

Yesterday was my first day back from Christmas vacation and walking across Harlem to work on a freezing day was an ugly re-entry. I've posted about my commute a number of times before, but it seems to always be a fresh source of the grotesque. Here's three things I encountered.

1) I almost stepped in a huge puddle of not-yet-frozen blood (it was 16 degrees fahrenheit out, so it couldn't have been that old). Not only was it covering the sidewalk, but it was also sprayed across a nearby car. Probably a knife attack, but you never know. I didn't stick around to snap a picture.

2) A makeshift bed of nails constructed to keep the bums from sleeping on given surface. I've posted about similar security measures before, but this one is really top of the line.

3) A message to the community:

hag favorites iv

2012-01-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites iv
where i found it: various record bins

This one presents Haggard as the all seeing eye. The way he intones the word "revenge" at the beginning often gives me the chills. I think he means it.

i'll always know

hag favorites iii

2012-01-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites iii
where i found it: various record bins

On this one Merle and his small town friends scratch their heads and try to figure out what a guy from the city could possibly be doing climbing up a hill every day in the direction of where a pretty girl lives. The stupid backup singing gives it an extra edge. I thought the question often asked in the South was "what in Sam HELL is going on?", but Merle seems to think it's "Sam HILL". Maybe he's just adapting it to his purposes and you probably weren't allowed to say "hell" on country radio in those days anyway. At the end I find the lines "he wont tell us" and "wish I knew" particularly enjoyable, but I can't really articulate why.

what in sam hill's going on?

hag favorites ii

2012-01-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites ii
where i found it: various record bins

This song begins with Merle moving into a tavern against his will after being kicked out of the house by his woman for an unnamed offense.

I don't need to say much other than we begin with the line "Well, this old smoke filled bar is something I'm not used to". Awesome pedal steel playing and this is an amusing TV performance to boot.

i'm always here at home til closing time

hag favorites i

2012-01-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

what it is: hag favorites i
where i found it: various record bins

I've decided to spend the next few posts discussing some Merle Haggard favorites. Listening to this stuff on youtube seems kind of lame, but it's also most covenient, so I'll provide links here and leave it to readers to hunt down the vinyl if they're so motivated or better yet dig up a cassette and play it in a pickup truck with the windows down.

The first selection is a classic example of the self loathing ballad. We know we're off to a good start when the song begins with Merle intoning "I'm going off of the deep end". It also has some fantastic backgound picking and includes lyrical kickers such as:

You give me no reason for my drinking
But I can't stand myself at times

and

My weakness is stronger than I am
I've always been the losing kind

You can even hear him chuckling at himself and his own foolishness at occassional points throughout the song. Clearly, his delivery conjures some magic that the written word can't, so here you go:

i can't hold myself in line

six stringed democracy

2011-12-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

what it is: six stringed democracy
where i found it: good old youtube

It's easy to forget that youtube started as a place for people to upload their personal videos. The democratic possibilities of this are kind of mind blowing and here are a few guitar players that most certainly never set foot in a record exec's office to prove it. In my opinion, they are all excellent in different ways for different reasons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcnRFAggxmI&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHjMMO3HclU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWBMGkByZqg

supreme leader

2011-12-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

what it is: north korea's new supreme leader/boyscout
where i found it: the local bar

North Korea has a new supreme leader. Someone at a bar last night pointed out to me how much he looks like the boyscout from Up:

the screwed up clique

2011-12-28T09:35:00.000-08:00

what it is: cough syrup music
where i found it: mr. c smith of houston, texas

DJ screw was a guy who loved codeine cough syrup. In fact, he drank so many gallons of it that he died. Before things got to that point, though, he would sip on a cup of the stuff, round up his crew, record some raps on really shitty equipment and then play it back with the tape player all jammed up so it would sound all stretchy and slow. It sounds like a gimmick, but the beats are good and so are some of the rappers (although some of the time the mic isn't really working too good and it's hard to hear what's going on). The "screwed up clique" were very focused in their topics: cough syrup, driving slow, cough syrup. Since my old friend Mr. C Smith of Houston gave me a mix of this stuff about a decade ago I must have listened to it a thousand times. Now you can too.

get screwed up

blogging pays off

2011-12-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

what it is: blogging pays off
where i found it: right here

This blogging thing is really starting to pay off. Almost starting to sustain itself even. Last weeks improvised weaponry video post (how to subdue your enemy with a rolled up magazine) is a wonderful example. Far better than what I was going to post about on that day. Just last week I got a package from a nice/evil reader in Amarillo Texas with all of the Herzog/Kinski movies, a Ric Flair Wrestling video, a copy of I am Cuba and a book on the horrifying doings of the Process Church (which I'm trying hard not to read). And then I got some e-mails from Belgium telling me about some Beckett I'd never read and some unusual metal I'd never heard.
And here's yet another good example. Reader C Griffin from the Bronx sent me this. It's an old education manual with an exercise called "ball vs. sausage", which would clearly be seen as highly inappropriate if it were put into practice these days. He sent me PDFs, which were poorly scanned and upside down. I tried to convert them into legible text using google docs, but it got even crazier. In some ways reading it this way is even more fun than reading it upside down and might even be poetic. Here you go:

I. Bail vs. Sausage. Show the child two equal-sized balls uf clay, and sav to him:
If necessary, adjust the amounts uf clay in ‘thc tw-El halts the child agrees that he has just as much claw as vou have. Then sag; to the child:
I om going to roll my clay into a sausage.
Fioll '|rCrur clay into a sausage. Then ask:
Now do you still have just as much clay as I have, or do you have more, or do I have more?
After the chitd responds, say-.
Tell me wlw.
Record the child‘; responses on the Conservation pf Substance response sheet in the appropriate section.
2. Baa‘! vs. Bails. Begin again with two equal-sized balls of clay Ask the child.‘ Do have as much play as I have?
It necugsary, adjust The at clay in the two balls until the child agrees that he has just as much as you have. Then divide your hail into two pieces out of which yrdu Fu-rm two smali-at balls. Ask the child:
Ngw you have just a5 claw; as l have, or do ‘gnu have more, -ur do I have more?
After the chiid responds, say:

TC“ me why. Fleoord the child's responses on the Conservation of Substance response meet in the appropriate section.

-3'. Baa‘! vs. Pancake. Begin again with two equal-sized balls of okay. Ask the child: Do you have just as much olay as have, or do -you have more, or do I have more?

Nuw do you stiil have just as much clay as, I ham;-., or do you have more, or do 1 have more?
After the child responds, say‘.
Tell me why.
‘Renard the chilufs responses on the Conservation of Substance response sh-E:-at in appropriate snactiun.
Submit the Conservation of Substance response sheet together with a report ot about EDD words in which - 2:.

classiiy each child as preoperationel lno conservation responses}, concrete operational lconsistent conservation responses that the child feels must be correctl, or transitional [some conservation and some noncoi-tseruatien re sponsesjl. In your report trot: shoulcl also answer tho two questions that follow,

1. If there were erw noneonsenration responses. why do you think they occurred? 2. If There were conservation responses, do thee reflect err-,r of the ‘feliewing rationales offered be Piaget?

karmic damage

2011-12-25T06:45:00.000-08:00

what it is: a christmas message
where i found it: 2002

Every year I enjoy doing some karmic damage to myself while laughing at this:

merry christmas from the germs

2011-12-24T12:03:00.000-08:00

what it is: germs playing christmas eve eve '79
where i found it: wfmu, the best radio station there is

If you like the Germs you will like this. Highights include Crash eating a book of matches halfway through the first segment. Happy hollidays.

lagoon music

2011-12-23T06:27:00.000-08:00

what it is: hermeto pascoal
where i found it: reader JPW

Reader JPW has sent me so much good stuff, he should just make this his blog. Here we have some amazing footage of everyone's favorite albino Brazillian vituoso. Naked. Playing flute. In a lagoon.

abstract comics

2011-12-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: abstract comics
where i found it: can't remember

Here's a great blog concerning abstract comics, a genre that is new to me but that seems oddly promising.

http://abstractcomics.blogspot.com/

texas punk

2011-12-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

what it is: fine examples of texas punk
where i found it: texas, etc.

Texans are serious about their punk, and their heat baked brains have twisted it into some weird varieties. There's a long list of excellent early examples to be rattled off such as the Dicks, the Big Boys, MDC, etc. but below are a couple of the more obscure ones. Special mention here should go to Jim Kieke for being at every single Texas punk show that ever happened (even when he had to work at the library the next day) and videotaping many of them.

This one is kind of late in the game, but it's still pretty good footage:

improvised weaponry

2011-12-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

what it is: improvised weaponry
where i found it: reader JPW

Particularly notable is the way this guy is able to reestablish his poise in the folding chair after subduing his enemy.

bye bye kim jong il

2011-12-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

RIP Kim Jong Il, one of the human race's weirdest, most diabolical and mentally unstable specimens.

holliday demons

2011-12-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

what it is: krampus
where i found it: a party invitation

This week i got invited to a "Krampus party" at a brewery. I figured Krampus was a type of fancy Belgian beer I'd never heard of, but come to find out he's not only a demon, but he's a kind of anti-Santa "celebrated" in Alpine countries that takes naughty children to his cave and kills them and eats them. I'm certainly glad I learned about Krampus as a full grown man. Just look at this fucking guy:

i invoke 1978

2011-12-16T06:41:00.000-08:00

what it is: early van halen in store appearance
where i found it: mr. b beatrice of new jersey

This invokes 1978 like nothing I have ever seen.

odd rituals

2011-12-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

what it is: the wettest in the building
where i found it: reader JPW

Two days ago reader JPW sent me a link to this perplexing masterpiece of a video called "she's the wettest in the building". It was only on youtube for about 45 minutes before it was pulled due to the TV in the background of the video with the adult entertainment on it. My passion for excellence in bullcrap lead me to tirelessly search for a re-posting and here it is. Best described in the youtube comments as "the oddest post masturbation ritual I've ever seen".

a gremlin

2011-12-14T08:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: a gremlin
where i found it: 65th street

I have a lot of respect for whoever has kept this 1974 Gremlin alive and well, especially in New York City.

the melvins meet their fate

2011-12-13T06:59:00.000-08:00

what it is: cassette destruction!
where i found it: my household

The other day my kid somehow got a hold of one of my old cassettes: my prized worn out copy of the Melvins' first album. I went into the bedroom and he had pulled all the tape out of the shell and strewn it all around the room. "Look it's like Harold and the Purple Crayon!" And I couldn't get mad, because you know what? It did look just like Harold and the Purple Crayon:

hoax?

2011-12-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

what it is: beckett meets giant
where i found it: mr. b beatrice of new jersey

This seems like a hoax, but it also seems it could be probable. Apparently, Sameul Beckett used to give Andre the Giant rides to school. It is true that Beckett lived in France and is possible that he liked to vacation in Grenoble, where young Andre lived, but I still find this difficult to believe. Mr. B Beatrice discovered this (one of the 20th centruy's most unlikely and remarkable meetings) in an off handed reference on Andre's Wiki page. No further documentation has been found, making me think it's not a hoax (or else it would be all over the internet).
While Becket is most famous for his plays (Waiting for Godot, etc.) I cannot reccomend his novels highly enough. Very excellent surrealist Irish stuff that gives James Joyce and Flann O'Brien a real run for their money. It takes a minute to get used to his version of reality, but a little patience more than pays off.

The Giant. All grown up.

rapist meets racist

2011-12-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: rapist meets racist
where i found it: the morning paper

In the bottom of my bag I found the below month-old newspaper clipping, which gives details about the adventures of a man from Africa who had been harassing and assaulting women in Manhattan.

During a date in Central Park in 2009 with a researcher for the Metroppolitan Museum of Art, Mr. Akassy said he saw two racoons attacking a duck near the water where the couple was picnicking. He said he tried to scare the racoons away with rocks and that when he returned, the woman was mad at him, apparently scared that he had left her alone with a black fisherman nearby.
They argued, Mr. Akassy said, because he felt she was being racist and because she did not seem to care that he went to help the duck.
The woman, whom Mr. Akassy is charged with stalking and harassing, had testified that Mr. Arkassy made unwated advances and yelled inexplicably at her on multiple occasions.

goodbye clive

2011-12-09T06:46:00.000-08:00

RIP Clive Robbins

Clive, along with his partner Paul Nordoff, was pretty much the founder of modern music therapy. Clive was an educator, Paul was a superhuman piano improvisor and they developed their model by assiduously documenting their improvisations with severely disabled people. The Nordoff Robbins centers still provide very low cost music therapy for people who need it. Clive was probably the closest thing to a walking fairy tale creature I've met. He also liked to drink wine from a box.

powerful wolf shirts

2011-12-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: wolf shirt reviews
where i found it: mr c maguire of crown heights

Apparently this shirt has magical powers. Read the reviews for yourself. You may want to do this sooner than later, as I can imagine Amazon purging this.

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323324390&sr=8-1

trouble, sort of

2011-12-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

what it is: trouble (the band), sort of
where i found it: around

Over the past couple of years my band has played a few gigs with the projects formed by ex-members of Trouble. Some are better than others, but I can say that Jeff Olson still plays the drums with the energy of a raging 15 year old. At any rate, this week I've come across about 35 references to Trouble. I'm not sure what this says about the current state of the universe. I can tell you that in the last leg of Black Flag's life, it is reported that all they listened to in the van was Trouble's Psalm Nine and Black Sabbath's Heaven and Hell. God help us.
This is roughly when I discovered Black Flag, while they were in their death throes and I was twelve years old at the skateboard ramp. That makes Trouble my musical grandaddies. Back then those Black Flag tapes were like some rare magical relics from another universe, violently opposed to the Huey Lewis' Sports and Bruce Springsteen's Born In The USA, which were everywhere (other than at the skateboard ramp) at the time. Now we so easily look all this shit up on the internet and have excellent books like Get In The Van (buy it here with a Rollins coffee cup?!) and American Hardcore to look at from the safety of our living room so as not to get all bloody.

See Rollins channel Tarzan.
See Rollins teach a fan who's boss.
See Danzig be a meathead. This is the worst music video I have ever seen. Really.
See Glenn Danzig get taught that he's not a real meathead.

the nez

2011-12-06T07:40:00.000-08:00

what it is: mike nesmith's solo work
where i found it: mr c griffin of pensacola, florida

Guess what? Mike Nesmith of the Monkees made a lot of good country albums in the 1970s. Yes that Monkees, the band with the asinine TV show that seemed to be nothing more than a record industry creation trying to ape popular trends at the time. For the completists, it should be mentioned that (like a lot of bands at the time) the Monkees also started to dabble in madness, documented best in their unhinged movie-thing called Head. At any rate, once all that was over Mr. Nesmith teamed up with a fucking fantastic pedal steel player named Red Rhodes went all country. Half the fun is sorting through all of the records these two made together, so I'm not providing any links here. But I do promise to include a little of this on the next mix tape I post.

Other interesting Nesmith facts include:

He now hosts think tanks
He was an executive producer of Repo Man
His mother invented Liquid Paper
His last appearance with the Monkees was in a commercial for Kool Aid and Nerf (together?)
He started a company that pioneered VHS tapes and home movie viewing
In the 1980s there was a Nesmith imposter who successfully conned a number of people and went as far as to do media appearances. He wasn't apprehended until 2009.

amazing machines

2011-12-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

what it is: rube goldberg to the nth degree
where i found it: see below

Ruben Garrett Lucius Goldberg

One of my high school physics class assignments was to build a Rube Goldberg machine. That is, a very complex machine that perform a simple task, such as lighting a match. Twenty years later I got an email from classmate Mr. A Levy with the below video, showing the most ridiulously elaborate Rube Goldberg machine I have every seen. The song is not very good, so turn it down and turn up something you like while you watch it. In case you're curious Ruben Goldberg was a cartoonist from the early part of last century who liked to draw up these kind of contraptions, sometimes with a political twist and was controversial to the point that his children had to change their names to avoid harassment by the authorities.

hitting the decks

2011-12-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

what it is: disc jockey activities
where i found it: i can't remember

Generally I do not understand how or why DJs become super celebrities that play to arenas full of people. I keep seeing stuff about Skrillex and that guy that wears the mouse head and all these super DJ people, but when I listen to the music it just sucks and sounds like a boring keyboard. Perhaps I just don't get what goes into it. Once I saw Tone-Loc and his DJ was a guy presiding over a CD player, just seeming to press play at the beginning of the song and bouncing a little bit to the susequent track that played.
The guy in this video really goes the extra mile, though. This video is pretty crappy quality and cuts between various performances without a lot of flow, but he demonstrates some genuinely good ideas. Picking a rubber band hooked up to the stylus arm is my favorite, but the way he plays along with the toy saxophone player is pretty great too.

release the fury

2011-12-03T08:12:00.000-08:00

what it is: bad behavior
where i found it: see below

Reader JPW was nice enough to reply with this Buddy Rich rant in response to the recent “animal battles” post, showing that perhaps Rich’s internal animal is more ferocious than any muppet. In hearing it I was also reminded of Yngwie Malmsteen’s unkind words to a stewardess who spilled some water on a flight to Tokyo. This version starts with about a minute of Swedish commentary before you get to the good stuff.

Yngwie and friend. Seems like angry musicians like muppets.

RIP Ken Russell

2011-12-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

I’m a little late on this, but Ken Russell died earlier this week, a man who made a range of weird and somehow commercially viable movies. Bad examples include Liszt-o-mania (Roger Daltrey starring in the sexually explicit episodes of classical pianist) and the Devils (clergy partaking in orgies). Good examples include Tommy (the Who’s Rock Opera) and Altered States (man combines too much acid and too much isolation tank and devolves into an ape and then a weird fleshy mass).

If you’ve never seen Tommy, you definitely should. It is highly disturbing and includes great performances by even Elton John and Eric Clapton, who usually suck beyond belief. Plus, the soundtrack performances are very much better than what’s on the album/radio. Plus, it has Ann Margaret freaking out in a giant mess of mud/wine.

Altered States:

ape

weird fleshy mass

planking and owling

2011-12-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

what it is: planking and owling

where i found it: a badly written newspaper article

A few days ago there was a ¾ page expose in the NY Times about a fad called “planking” (lying face down and having your picture taken). It was not very well explained or documented, and while I threw the article in trash immediately, I found myself wondering about it afterwards. With so much important news in the world, why was so much space relegated to this junk? I did a little more research and it turns out that planking is actually kind of funny and absurd and if the article was not so poorly written (solely focusing on shitty celebrities like the Olson twins and Hugh Hefner’s playmate girlfriend) I would have been more than happy to see so much space allotted to such a blatantly surreal activity. As usual, real people are much better than celebrities and here’s a slew of pictures to prove it. If you’re really into it, you can look up the Olson Twins website where apparently their fondness for “planking” and “owling” (crouching like an owl and having your photo taken) is documented. I haven’t looked yet.

anti-cosmic

2011-11-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

what it is: dissection's storm of the light's bane LP
where I found it: the anti-cosmos

For a long time I just assumed that Dissection was another Swedish death metal band trying to be like Entombed. I was very wrong. I can't decide what I like most about Storm of the Light's Bane. It could be the shitty/awesome frozen airbrush-style grim reaper on the cover. It could be the skull stamp on the CD that says “anti-cosmic metal of death”. Maybe it's the commonalities with Mayhem such as murder, suicide, Satan and jail time on the band's resume. More likely it is the overwhelmingly intricate and fast harmony guitars that have a symphonic and dissociative effect and sort of make me feel like I'm floating and getting pounded in the soul at the same time. Sort of like Autopsy, it all sounds kind of straight forward and effortless, but when you try to play any of the parts yourself you realize that these guys are virtuosos hidden behind an ogre's exterior. Despite all of the technicality and well charted composition it really keeps a primitive, driving black energy. How do you do that?

animal battles

2011-11-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

what it is: buddy rich vs. animal

where I found it: the muppets

Following up from yesterday's post (in terms of both children and wild animals), my kid is absolutely obsessed with Buddy Rich, meaning I've had to watch the Buddy Rich vs. Animal drum battle about ten thousand times. Which is maybe only matched by the Buddy Rich vs. Jerry Lewis drum battle. Things could be much worse. I could have a kid who is obsessed with Barney. Here are all three:

procreation

2011-11-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

what it is: kids
where i found it: my loins

Don't have kids unless you're ready to have some wild animals running around your god damned house.

birth vs. death

2011-11-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

what it is: autopsy's severed survival lp
where i found it: long long ago

Mister Reifert, head asteam, firmly ensconced in the Phil Collins, Don Henley, Levon Helm, drummer-singer tradition

Today is my birthday, but instead of writing about birth I'm going to write about death. Metal, that is.
There are ten thousand old school death metal albums that have fallen by the wayside. For me Severed Survival is not one of them. Autopsy is one of the few bands that I feel really had soul, like they were born with the heavies it in their bones. Even though some of the riffs are technically difficult and Chris Reifert's drumming is plenty hard to do, there is a looseness to it that keeps any calculation in the backseat. I prefer Severed Survival to their usually-more-cited Mental Funeral because the vocals sound more naturally tortured (less "I am scary" Cookie Monster-like) and to their later poopoo and peepee obsessed releases Shitfun and Urine Junkies (even if they were calling themselves Abscess by that point, it's all the same to me).
This, along with the first Obituary record, still does it for me and seems crucial and heartfelt and, God forbid, fun to listen to. I recommend buying it. There's a new addition with lots of extras and I'm sure old death metal labels could use some help keeping their utilities on. Easy enough to download like a pirate, though.

Mister Refiert, railroadin' with Mister Schuldinger in the early days.

modern poetry ii

2011-11-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

what it is: (a masterpiece of) modern poetry
where i found it: a confusing and intriguing street poster in harlem

Along the same lines as the other modern poetry post from a few days ago (it's been called an "urban operetta"), but far more extraordinary is R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet serial "drama". You've probably already experienced it, in which case it's time for a reviewing. If you've never seen it please watch it at once.
It's easy to write it off as stupid, but the more you watch it, the more it sucks you in. As it evolves, it really exceeds boundaries of definition, taste, humor, musical drama and any other pigeonholes you can think of. At first my wife wanted to murder me because I kept making her watch episode after episode and then she got pulled in too, but then she hated it again, but then she thought it was funny again. And that's kind of how it goes.
I have many thoughts and a rainbow of emotional reactions to this thing, but you should just watch it. All.

Start here

buy nothing day

2011-11-25T07:10:00.000-08:00

what it is: today
where i found it: you cannot escape it

I hate crowds. I also have no desire for a flat screen TV. I also can’t afford one, even if it’s on sale for a low, low $1500. I like camping, but not in front of Best Buy. At any rate I’ll hide my laziness and lack of consumer motivation as political conviction, telling you to celebrate Buy Nothing Day.

happy thanksgiving

2011-11-24T06:18:00.000-08:00

To celebrate Thanksgiving here's some far out music from Turkey:

pepper spray art

2011-11-23T08:08:00.000-08:00

what it is: pepper spray art
where i found it: all over the media

You've probably seen this picture of the handcuffed protesters in CA getting sprayed in the face with hot sauce by a nice officer of the law. People sure have been fast in using the image in all kinds of creative ways. In fact this link, which presents a fantastic collection, is 4 or 5 days old. I just can't keep up.

modern poetry

2011-11-22T07:22:00.000-08:00

what it is: modern poetry
where i found it: "urban radio"

Apparently the music industry is dead. Everyone I know who runs a record label doesn't anymore. Yet somehow rap is still riding high with no regrets. In a lot of ways it's the most audacious, psychedelic and hormone driven stuff out there, sort of like rock and roll used to be. I've had a few favorite asinine "urban radio" hits over the last few years. Here are a few selections:

This is Why I'm Hot
This one gets award for the best logical ourobouros.

This is why I'm Hot:
I'm Hot Because I'm Fly
You Ain't Because You Not
This is why, this is why I'm hot.

Blame it on the A-a-a-a-a-alcohol, Baby
Speaks for itself

Trying to Catch Me Ridin' Dirty
This one was by an artist with the amazing name of Chameleon-aire (get it, like a cross between a chameleon and a millionaire). I don't know what "riding dirty" means. It's something about cruising in a car all high on cough syrup and getting pulled over.

She Wanna Lick Me Like a Lollipop
Kind of speaks for itself, but it should also be mentioned that it seems kind of amazing that the number one hit of the Summer was blatantly about oral sex.

Also by Lil' Wayne, I'm not sure about the title of this one
I'm a Pill Poppin' Animal
A Syrup Sippin' Nigga
I'm So High You Can't Catch Me with a Fucking Antenna

Birthday Sex
Who the hell writes a song called birthday sex? This song seems like it took about four minutes to come up with. Check it out:

It's your birthday so I know
you want to ride out,
Even if we only go to my house
Sip mo- weezy as we sit upon my couch
Feels good, but I know you want to
cry out

You say you want passion
I think you found it
Get ready for action
Don't be astounded
We switchin' positions
You feel surrounded
Just tell me where you want
your gift, girl

Don't need candles or cake
just need your body to make
Birthday sex
Birthday sex
[It's the best day of the year, girl]

It feels like, feels like...
lemme hit that...g-spot g-spot

We grindin' wit passion, cuz it's yo birthday
Been at it for hours...I know you thirsty
You kiss me so sweetly...taste just like Hershey's
Just tell me how you want yo gift, girl

First I'm gonna take a dive into the water,
deep until I know I pleased that body (body ah oop)
Or girl without a broom
I might just sweep you off your feet

Or maybe we can float on top my water bed,
you close your eyes as i pry between your legs
We work our way from kitchen stoves, and tables
Girl you know I'm more than able to please, yeah
Say you wanted flowers on the bed (on the bed)
But you got me and hours on the bed
(it's the best day of the year, girl)
(lemme know what it feels like, feels like, when I hit that G-spot, G-spot)

This employs one of my favorite lyrical devices: rhyming a word with the same word, somehow increasingly popular as of late. Could he really not think of anything that rhymes with bed? How about something about "giving me head" or "on your body I am fed" or "when I see you alerts go red". Hey I'm kind of good at this.

Irreplaceable
In this break up anthem, Beyonce uses the same lyrical device mentioned above:

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
And in fact he'll be here in a minute

She also begins the song with the lines

To the left, to the left
Everything you own in a box to the left
In my closet
Let me call you a cab

This seems inordinately well organized and considerate for such a passionate heartbreak moment. I brought this up at rehearsal shortly after the song was released and the drummer in my band had a good point: In the closet to the left? What ever happened to throwing the shit out the window or burning it?"

psychedelic "productivity"

2011-11-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

what it is: psychedelic productivity
where i found it: i didn't, it barely exists (other than on Amon Duul records)

I've have never tried Salvia and don't really even know what it is. It's apparently a legal psychedelic, maybe like smoking banana peels or cigarettes coated in toothpaste or whatever other kind of shit that junior high school kids come up with to get high. Obviosuly it's hallucinogenic and causes marked dissociation and this guy likes to smoke it and try to garden, drive or write letters to Congress. Kind of disturbing to watch, but also sort of funny.

While we're on this topic, here's a link to an interview with a woman who appears to be a past psychedelic princess who reigned over a grain silo, but then got in over her head and now is an internet guru.

???

2011-11-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

I was going to write about my love for modern poetry today, but then I got this from Mr. A Dubin of New Jersey. I don't know what the hell this is (all text is in cyrilic), but it's 65% funny and 100% horrifying.

take a look

lightning rod

2011-11-19T10:07:00.000-08:00

what it is: jerry reed's guitar playing
where i found it: mr c. griffin of the bronx

Like pretty much every kid growing up in the 80s, I saw Smoky and the Bandit about 50 times. I knew Jerry Reed as the goofball truck driver. I also vaguely remember some song he sang about alligators. Recently Mr. C Griffin of the Bronx pointed out to me that Reed was also a fantastic guitarist, Chet Atkin's favorite actually. I had no idea. Now I can't stop checking him out. Here's a good example. Lightning Rod.

bye bye munchkin

2011-11-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

RIP Karl Slover, the trumpet player from the Wizard of Oz Munchkin band.

Originally from the Czech Republic, here are the final sentences of his obituary. Welcome to life on Earth.

“In those uninformed days his father tried witch doctor treatments to make him grow,” Mr. Fricke said. Young Karl was immersed in heated oil until his skin blistered and then attached to a stretching machine at a hospital, all in an attempt to make him taller. When he was 9, he was sold by his father to a traveling show in Europe, Mr. Fricke said. Mr. Slover was paid $50 a week for “Oz” and told friends that Toto, Judy Garland’s canine co-star, made more money.

get 'em

2011-11-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

what it is: occupy wall street surge
where i found it: right here in good old nyc

But here's the part that I don't get. When was the last time you met a rich cop? You are the 99%, fuzz. Aim that megaphone the other way.

a family affair

2011-11-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

what it is: reverse lip synching (sort of)
where i found it: at work (mishap)

Not long ago I had a music student who wanted to learn the Sly Stone song Family Affair. I went onto youtube (absolutely the best resource these days for immediate access to pretty much any song you can think of) and this is what I found:

It had me laughing and laughing and laughing, and I figured it was kind of similar to those usually hilarious shreds videos. Months later, through totally different means, I came to find out that this was created by a "band" who has a whole crazy experiential methodology called "the Pure Pleasure Process" for making these kinds of things. Legion of Rock Stars, they're called. Check out this crazy shit.

exactly how much time do you have on your hands?

2011-11-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

what it is: time consuming extra curricular activities
where i found it: a friend from the south and i cant remember

Here are two examples of people that spend large amounts of time exploring things of negligible importance. Oh, wait, I'm a guy who writes a blog every day about meaningless bull crap.

1) First up is this guy who writes extensive and well researched academic commentary about the facts that appear on the blackboards in the the backgrounds of porn set in academic environments. Geography, game theory, the proper way to draw a square root sign: nothing is off limits. Despite being porn-centric, he goes to lengths to make sure it's safe for work. Unlike the guy who critiques gay porn interior decorating, which is not safe for any environment (and who you'll have to find your own link to). We have Mr. J Wiener of Atlanta, GA to thank for both of these meta-porn discoveries.

2) Next, and totally differently, we have a guy (or guys) who have recreated the Bible with Legos in an extremely detail oriented way. It's worth spending some time on this sight to see just how extensive it is. Find Jesus here.